Assalamualaikum 💖

Assalamualaikum.

My first post of 2020.

It's funny how my last post was on wearing braces. It's like I put on braces and poof I just disappeared without a trace, when in fact, a lot of things have happened since then. I mean it's been months, of course lots of things would have happened.

I do write sometimes, but I only have them saved in my phone. Things like my emotions, my thoughts, my dreams. Simple stuff, but ones I'd like to express at once. They're personal and I wouldn't upload them anywhere unless I feel like it.

I always write down my dreams (not dreams as in what I want to do in the future, but dreams as in the ones you have when you sleep), but not all of them. Only ones that I'd like to remember for a long time. Because once, they made me feel good when I woke up, and I want to carry that feeling in my writing, so that I can feel the emotion again in the future. I love doing it. Writing just gives you that satisfaction.

I don't have a talent for poems, but I love writing them as well! Mostly in English and Malay. I wrote one in Korean, and another one in Indonesian (Dilan is to blame). They are not exactly beautiful but the emotions I felt when I wrote them are carried in every word. For example when I wrote about my crush, and I read it now, I can still feel how fresh my feelings for him were. When we first met. When I started liking him. When I first realized it. That exact feeling right there, I can feel it. You know what I mean?

My own words carry that much impact on me.

Perhaps that's the reason my blog still lives, while others have abandoned theirs. Writing heals me. I let off some burdens through writing. I express my emotions through writing. When I don't blog, I write on my phone. Sometimes on paper, but rarely. Aaaanndd I also love to read my writings.💖 Again and again and again. Be it on this blog, my phone, or Twitter. I hope I'm not the only one who does this?😂

I can't remember if I've said this before, but because I loved books so much, I used to want to be a writer. I mean, I still do, if I could, but I don't have the confidence to do it anymore. I don't possess a variety of imaginations as I once had, so I don't think I can pull off creating an interesting world that draws readers in. Even if I could, I don't know if I could continue the story or end it well. It's been ages since I wrote short stories so ugh. I would probably try writing one again someday (when will that day come, or will it ever come, I don't know for certain). I'd love to do it as a hobby.😝

Oh man I've strayed too far. I was actually here to write on life update since it's been so long. But here we are. I'm not even surprised anymore.😂 I'm not that talkative in real life but I sure talk a lot when I write. Guess I'll write that in another post then.😂

Till the next post!💕


P.S. I just remembered that it used to be "annyeong goodbye adios" (a long time ago). I don't know how and when it changed to "till the next post" but I like it 😝

I'm back. Tiba-tiba rasa nak menaip. You know, when there's a lot that you feel inside, but you don't know how to express it. Tapi harini aku nak cuba keluarkan satu-satu.

I miss the old days.


It was my brother's birthday a few days ago. He's officially 17 now, alhamdulillah. Out of the blue fragments of memories flashed through my mind.

I remember him, a small him, crying at the beach. Screaming. He was scared of the seawater. Even when his foot touched the water, he'd cry. Such a baby.

I remember saying that I was going to marry him when he was months old. I was four then, what could I have known about marriage. I was a greedy kid, I wanted that cute baby all to myself. Not sure if I was a good sister when we were young though.

When he got older, he started to talk a lot, asking so many questions. A very curious kid. I remember getting annoyed at his questions and answering him half-heartedly. I remember asking him to be quiet instead. It wasn't until my teacher told us that it was a nature of children to become curious about everything, that I started to realize how I should respond to him.

You have to answer their curiosities. "Even when you don't know the answer, just say anything even if it sounds nonsensical to you, because it doesn't to them.", my teacher said. Of course I didn't change at once, what do you expect? I'd get annoyed, then feel guilty, then treat him better, then get annoyed again. A bad sister.

He still talks a lot now, what a chatterbox.

I remember when I was eight, I asked him for my scissors back. He wouldn't return it, so we started to fight and he accidentally cut my finger. I still have the scar on my middle finger. Luckily it looks cool and right on point, if not I would've complained to him every single day of my life.

I remember him bawling his eyes out whenever he didn't get to watch his cartoon shows. My dad even had to make a deal with him so that he would only get to watch them until 6pm. Beyond that, the remote control would be ours. Go to sleep kiddo.

He used to ask for me and my sisters' help to write his name on exercise books. Kid, deep in my heart I don't want you to stop asking me for help (although I seem to complain a lot). I want to keep being your big sister and look after you no matter how much time has passed.

Now that little boy is already 17. I feel so old. I know I'm 21 already whatever but these things just remind me of how old I've gotten. How much time has passed, making me wish that time could stop for me. I don't want to get any older because I don't know what kind of future awaits for me. It scares me.

Responsibilities that keep piling up as we get older force me to plan out my life. To be frank, I still don't know what I'm going to do after I finish my studies. Of course I'd like to work and help out my family, but what kind of work? I have no idea, whether it's going to be related to my degree or not. I thought of starting a business, but man I really don't know. For now, my only goal is to get a first class degree so that my PTPTN loan can be converted into a scholarship. Beyond that, I'm just going to go with the flow I guess.

I want to go back to being a child, in the arms of my parents, when I couldn't care less about the world. But at the same time nak balas jasa parents, I want to take care of them, and just be with my family. Can someone find me a solution😞

"Wish we could turn back time to the good old days, when our mama sang us to sleep but now we're stressed out."

But me, being me, I'm just going to live my life to the fullest at the moment.

Till the next post💕

These past few days, I've been avoiding social media. I don't want to know how people are doing in their lives. I'm neither curious nor interested to find out. The sight of some people uploading their whole lives for the public to see makes me feel sick.

It feels like the world is competing on who can make the best jokes out of people. The attempt to go viral, perhaps trying to fulfill the strong desire for attention. Man, you kind of see that every single day on Twitter.

I still remember the days when my Twitter wasn't private, when I was free to tweet whatever I want. Without the risk of being judged and exposed to the world. When the tweets that went viral were mostly from those "tweetfamous". Twitter was carefree, you tweet stuff, you relate to others, you see new people. That's about it. But nowadays, I wouldn't even dare to leave my tweets unprotected. People hating on each other, spreading news that we don't even know the extent of accuracy.

Not just that. People seeking attention also annoys me to the point that I just want to delete everything about that person. Usually I wouldn't even be bothered by it like girl you do what you want. But these days wow I can't seem to tolerate it. I know it's up to you to upload whatever that you want, that's not seeking attention. However, there's a fine line between letting people know what's going on in your life and seeeeeeeeeeking attention from human beings.

Next, people hunting animals and being proud of it. I can't even fathom this one like WHY WOULD YOU DO SOMETHING SO CRUEL? WHY WOULD YOU BOTHER THOSE ANIMALS LIVING FREELY ON THEIR OWN? WHY WOULD YOU FREAKING STAND ON THEIR DEAD BODIES WHILE SMILING SO PROUDLY OF YOUR CRUELTY AND POST THEM ON SOCIAL MEDIA? IF IT'S FOR RESEARCH, THEN SHUT UP AND DON'T POST DISGUSTING PICTURES LIKE THAT AND EVEN HANG THEM AS A TROPHY IN YOUR HOME! YOU JUST TOOK A SOUL, WHERE IS YOUR HUMANITY?!

I'M ALSO SUPER SICK OF PEDOPHILES. I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO COMMENT MORE ON THIS BECAUSE WOW IT JUST BREAKS MY HEART TO KNOW HOW PEOPLE HAVE LOST THEIR HUMANITY.

Source: weheartit

TILL THE NEXT POST THEN!

Well, it's been a long time since I wrote something on this blog. I've been busy with assignments, quizzes and tests (life test also) just as any student would be during the final weeks of the semester. I wouldn't say that time flew so fast because I know how much I suffered from homesickness and kept complaining that time was not on my side haha.

I got home yesterday and this is why I'm able to write now! I've officially finished ALL my tests and assignments yesterday and wow it was a great feeling since it's finally over! Err not really over but you know what I mean. I just unpacked my luggage just now and it's funny how I was unpacking the same stuff that I reluctantly packed three months ago. I feel like hugging the three-months-ago me and say "There, there, you're gonna be okay soon. Don't give up because I didn't." and pat her head while laughing silently.😂

So, have you heard the news? I still can't believe that he's gone. His songs are still playing in my head as I'm typing this. It just doesn't feel real to me. The happy guy that we all know. Sigh. My timeline was full of people talking about him, but it only hit me when I read the letter.

Depression, guys. Depression.

I hate how some people make jokes about depression and suicide. I hate these people's mentalities. Just because they've never been through depression, they're being insensitive about it. Worst of all, people who do it to seek attention. I'm not saying this because of the K-Pop soul in me, but I'm saying this as a human.

Depression is totally not a joke. Do you make jokes about people who are sick physically? Like someone with cancer or just about any kind of health disease that we know. No, right? Well, normal and sane people wouldn't.

It should be the same for people with depression. The only difference is that you can't see how painful it is physically, because it's happening inside their heads. The struggle to get out of the problems, the fear of people's reactions if they find out, and the deep pain and scream inside that they just want to stop. They might as well do anything just to make the pain stop.

There's this quote that I read on Twitter:

It only takes a moment for that demon in our heads to take control of our minds and decide, 

"This is the perfect moment to die."

It's true. Someone doesn't just think "Oh I'm going to kill myself today." out of nowhere without a warning. The process is not that simple. Not all people who face depression is willing to share it with other people because they're scared of the reactions that they will get. Why? Because our judgmental society makes them feel that way.

I'm no psychologist, but to anyone who's facing depression, I beg you to seek help, or tell your close ones about it.  Let them help you. It will end one day, insyaallah. Seek Allah SWT and strengthen your faith. I'm not going to make it sound so simple, but please don't give up. Ever. There's always a solution to everything. EVERYTHING. So never ever give up, I'm begging you.

To everyone else, please always be kind to others. I'm not perfect myself so I may not always be kind. But we should try to be. We don't know what other people are going through. Just a simple smile from a stranger can help gather up someone's courage again. We never know. Always be sensitive to others. Never ridicule people who have problems. Again, because we never know what they're going through.

Just be nice.


Forgive me if there's any mistake in this post. Be strong, everyone.

Okay ini bukan post pasal raya but selamat hari raya anyway! Mula-mula nak update pasal hari raya but then there are a few stuff that I want to talk about. I'm going to fit them all in one post since each of them will be short.

Differences and Similarities
I had a discussion with this close friend of mine about a kind of sensitive issue the other day, and we had different opinions. We couldn't see eye to eye or maybe we just didn't get what each other means. I think it was the latter but somehow I could see the tension there. After that, I thought to myself. Malaysia is a multiracial country, but we embrace our differences and stand together in unity. Why? Because despite our differences, there are a lot of similarities between us.

Walaupun pemikiran tak sama, tak semestinya kita tak boleh bersatu. Memang hakikatnya cara manusia berfikir lain-lain, nak buat macam mana lagi, bak kata peribahasa, rambut sama hitam, hati lain-lain. Jadi, kalau berbeza pendapat pun, selagi boleh selesai, selesaikan baik-baik. Jangan biar melarat. Ketepikan perbezaan yang satu tu, banyak lagi persamaan yang lain.

Sacrifices
Look around you. You might see people smiling, laughing, or frowning. Behind their happiness, there's a sacrifice. Behind their pain, there's a sacrifice. Sacrifices that they keep to themselves, or let others know about them. You don't know their stories, so don't judge. Be nice to everyone instead. (oho, this could be a spoiler for my next post!)

Sirius Black
You see, Sirius is my favourite character from Harry Potter. Every time I read the part where he dies, and the way Harry copes with it, I'd cry. I feel like my heart dies with him, because he was just there laughing then all of a sudden... Poof. That is why I can't agree with other Potterheads who hate Dolores Umbridge the most in the series, because to me Bellatrix is at the same level as her. I hate everyone who causes Sirius' death indirectly. Bellatrix, Narcissa, Kreacher, Harry, Dumbledore. I hate them all. Although Harry is the main character, he can't help but show his stupidity in every single damn book... Well, he also can't help being an imperfect human I guess. That's the reason I love him again every time.

Actually, there are a lot more stuff that I'd like to talk about here. BUT I figured it would be better if I talk about them in different posts since there's a lot to talk about.

Well, see you in the next post!

Assalamualakum.

Tak kira apa kau buat atau cakap sekalipun, perubahan dalam hidup tetap akan berlaku. Itu suatu benda yang kita tak dapat nak elak. Kadang-kadang orang sekeliling kita berubah, kadang-kadang suasana yang berubah, dan kadang-kadang kita sendiri yang berubah.

Perubahan tu boleh jadi ke arah yang lebih baik atau buruk.

Berubah untuk jadi rajin belajar. Baik.

Berubah dari rajin kepada malas. Buruk.

Tapi perubahan itu tak semestinya sentiasa membawa kesan buruk atau baik. Kadang-kadang tak ada efek pun dalam sesuatu perubahan. Contohnya, pertukaran yang minor dalam rutin yang sama. Macam tukar minat genre buku dari genre A ke genre B.

Sebenarnya, sesuatu perubahan itu baik atau buruk bergantung kepada persepsi masing-masing. Boleh jadi perubahan yang baik untuk kita, adalah perubahan yang buruk untuk orang lain. Misalnya kita naik pangkat. Ya, itu memang perubahan yang baik untuk kita, tapi merupakan perubahan yang buruk untuk pesaing kita.

Lagi sekali aku tekankan, sesuatu perubahan baik atau buruk itu bergantung kepada persepsi seseorang individu itu sendiri. Macam cerita naik pangkat tadi, pesaing tu takkan anggap perubahan yang berlaku itu sebagai benda yang buruk kalau dia bersikap positif dan jadikan itu satu cabaran untuk dia berusaha dengan lebih keras. Kalau mentaliti dia macam tu, benda yang buruk pun boleh jadi baik.

In the end, semua perkara yang berlaku tu memang ada hikmahnya. Jadi bila ada benda buruk jadi pada kita, tanamkan sikap positif dalam diri biar kita tak mudah menyerah kalah, tapi berusaha untuk jadi lebih baik dan teruskan hidup.

Konklusinya, always be positive. Dari situ, baru kita boleh bahagia.





P/S: Result of talking by myself. Daripada bercakap sorang-sorang je, aku fikir lagi baik aku tulis dekat blog. 

Assalamualaikum.


Blogger. My only medium yang bertahan lama gilos. Tanpa jemu. Sebabnya? Ini medium aku. Milik aku sorang. People cannot respond to my posts.


"Far dan blognya"

"Macam isi dengan kuku kaki dia"

"Hahahaha ya"


Kata-kata dua babun hahaha.

Oyeah.

Hidup kadang-kadang dekat atas, kadang-kadang dekat bawah. Bila dekat atas, jangan suka sangat. Bila dekat bawah, jangan duka sangat. Sebab hidup ni macam roda. Berpusing-pusing atas jalan. Kejap jalan lurus, kejap belok kanan, kejap belok kiri, kejap buat u-turn. Dalam perjalanan tu macam-macam bendalah roda tu jumpa. Ada semut, ada sampah, ada habuk, ada tahi. Macam-macam. Roda ni takkan pernah berhenti. Sampailah satu saat.


Saat bila?


Saat ajal tiba. Saat kau tak mampu nak ubah apa yang kau dah pernah buat dekat atas bumi ni. Saat pintu dunia ditutup untuk kau.


Kalau kau dah lupa, biar aku ingatkan. Ajal tu datang bila-bila masa je. Saat kau paling tak duga. Mungkin masa tu kau tengah buat benda baik, ajal tiba. Okay. Macam mana kalau kau tengah buat dosa, dosa yang kau sendiri tahu itu dosa, tapi kau tetap juga buat. Masa tu jugak Malaikat Maut datang menjemput roh kau. Macam mana? Apa je kau boleh buat masa tu?

Nothing.

Tak ada benda kau boleh buat untuk hentikan saat itu daripada hadir.

Ingat sekalian kesayangan. Sedangkan bayi yang baru lahir boleh meninggal dunia. Kita?


Jangan lemah dengan ujian. Jangan futur bila kena musibah. Jangan bongkak bila terima nikmat. Sebab seluruh hidup di dunia ini semata-mata ujian.


Jangan cakap "Kau tak rasa apa aku rasa". Aku tak peduli pun apa yang kau rasa, sebab aku pun pernah rasa macam-macam rasa. Dari semua ujian tu, aku sedar satu benda.


Jangan mudah mengalah. Jangan mudah putus asa. Ujian kita ni tak berat mana. Tak seberat ujian yang dilalui Nabi Muhammad SAW dan para sahabat. Kalau kau rasa patah hati sudah terpaling berat, masyaallah. Itu cuma masalah kecil.


Agak-agak kau, macam mana Rasulullah SAW dan para sahabat lalui 3 tahun 3 bulan dipulaukan? Tempoh tu bukan sekejap. Meh aku share petikan dari buku 'Tinta 2 Asyraf' karya Hilal Asyraf dan Imam Muda Asyraf.

---

"Ini membawa kepada kehidupan yang perit sehingga dilaporkan bahawa mereka terpaksa memakan pucuk-pucuk daun yang kering, sehingga pecah bibir mereka. Sehingga mereka ini terpaksa merebus kasut kulit mereka, untuk dijadikan makanan."

---

"Keimanan Itu, Memberikan Kekuatan

Percaya bahawa kesudahan untuk mereka hanyalah kebaikan, membuatkan mereka bertahan dengan kesukaran mereka. Bayangkan, tiga tahun tiga bulan bukan waktu yang sebentar. Apatah lagi tiga tahun tiga bulan yang diisi dengan penderitaan.

Mereka terpaksa berlapar berhari-hari. Anak-anak pula menangis. Dalam keadaan masa hadapan untuk mereka belum pasti. Apakah akan terjadi esok? Sehingga apabila penderitaan ini akan berterusan?

Tetapi mereka kuat. Kerana yakin dengan janji Allah s.w.t. Kesudahan mereka pastinya adalah kebaikan. Keimanan mereka terhadap janji Allah s.w.t. ini, adalah yang menguatkan mereka mengharungi hari demi hari dalam tiga tahun tiga bulan itu."

---

Nampak dah?


Bangun.

Jangan bazir masa lagi.

Buang rasa tu jauh-jauh. Buang marah tu jauh-jauh. Sebab ganjaran sabar itu lebih besar daripada kau membuang masa menyakitkan hati sendiri.

Setiap kali aku jatuh, rasa dah tak mampu lagi, setiap kali tu juga, tangan aku ditarik kembali. Dipegang erat dan kemas, membantu aku bangkit lagi. Sehingga aku mampu berdiri tegak hadapi dunia semula.

Masyaallah.

Kalau kau percaya, kau juga pasti rasa nikmat itu. Nikmat yang tak terhingga. Nikmat yang jadi penyuntik semangat dalam diri, melahirkan nawaitu baharu.

Aku dah pun tahu rahsia penyembuh itu.

I found out the cure for everything.









The cure is takwa and faith to Allah. Find Him once again, and smile. Ikhlas, buat sesuatu kerana Allah. Insyaallah, you will find the peace in your heart :)

Assalamualaikum.

To me, it's good to have inspirations in order to live properly. But to have inspired others, it would be the best achievement ever.

Kalau orang lain boleh lawan perasaan,
kenapa kau tak boleh?