*tarik nafas dalam-dalam*

*hembus nafas sambil tiup blog yang dah sekian lama berhabuk*

Helloooo my baby blog! It's been more than a year since I last posted haha.

Macam biasalah. Kadang-kadang rasa nak menaip tapi mood tu tak cukup sampai. Nak menaip dekat phone pun takdan dah. 

So, setahun dah berlalu. What's up? What's changed?

The biggest change in my life over the past year would be that, I'm married now! Alhamdulillah. Is it too late to write about the big day? Hahaha I guess it is, but you know what? I'm going to do it anyway!

Alhamdulillah, I'm married to A whom I talked about here last December. The preparations went well, although a bit stressful at times. I started my surveys and booked the big big stuff like the wedding hall, photographer, pelamin, MUA, etc. since the previous year. Why so early, if you ask me? Sebab aku taknak stress agshshs but at the same time need to make sure that you have surveyed enough and went through everything before you decide to go for the one.

I guess the top #1 thing that stressed me out was the pelamin/catering (same PIC). I booked them in Jan/Feb 2023. Everything was okay je, PIC pun baik and helpful. Problem dia satu je - kedai dia jauh dari rumah but since harga dia affordable and everything looked good, aku okay je. Tapi lama-lama jadi tak okay sebab rasa macam dia explain tak habis. A few times jugak kena berulang pergi kedai dia sebab nak double confirm information masa majlis tu. Sebab dekat whatsapp tu tah la nak reply nya lambat, lepastu kadang-kadang macam dia tak faham pulak apa aku tanya. Banyak sangat miscommunication. Tapi dia baik tapi ko faham tak 😭

Paling tak boleh go, untuk pelamin and deco tu, I requested colour all white + soft pink gitu. Macam 90% white, 10% soft pink. Kira taknak ada colour hijau daun tu langsung lah and dia pun macam "okay kita boleh buat". Tapi wahh. Sehari sebelum majlis, diorang sampai dewan lambat untuk setup, buat haku stress je malam tu. Pastu esok pagi-pagi bangun masa D-Day tu, tengok dia send gambar pelamin lagi rasa macam nak ngamuk tapi takleh ngamuk sebab nak kahwin agshshs. KENAPA ADA HIJAU DI SITUUU. HARITU KATA BOLEH BUAT TAPI KENAPA MASIH ADA HIJAU-HIJAUAN. Okay tutup cerita, dah hampir setahun dah. Masa tengok gambar dia send tu, I kept reminding myself like, "takpe benda dah jadi, tenang tenang just go with the flow".

Would I recommend them? Only the catering, yes, sebab makanan dia sedap and service pun bagus hewhew. Not the pelamin. 

Okay back to the D-Day! Weirdly enough, alhamdulillah, aku sangatlah tenang before, during and after majlis haha. Pagi tu macam chill je, macam takde apa nak pergi nikah ni. Siap-siap, gelak-gelak apa semua, masih tenang. Knowing myself, I would have cried sebab nervous + rasa overwhelmed haha tapi alhamdulillah Allah kurniakan ketenangan luar biasa hari tu. Lepas nikah pun masih chill lagi. Ingatkan tengok mama nangis, aku nangis sekali tapi tidakk. Suami kita pulak yang nangis haha comel je 😂 

Alhamdulillah. Segala puji bagi Allah. Everything went well. Syukur dikelilingi keluarga dan kawan-kawan yang baik. Yang membantu menenangkan jiwa raga.

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The next news would be, alhamdulillah, we're blessed with a mini us inside me. I've started my maternity leave since our baby is due this week. I can't wait to meet these little kicks, but at the same time I'm feeling nervous. 

My pregnancy journey is good, alhamdulillah. Tak ada craving yang bukan-bukan and in fact, the craving can wait haha opposite sangat dengan before pregnant. Sebelum ni, ada masanya bila craving tu boleh nangis kalau tak dapat ya 😂 Tapi alhamdulillah pregnancy craving ni memudahkan hehe. The worst part would be masa first trimester bila aku tak boleh nak bau masakan. Goreng ke rebus ke apa ke, semua tak boleh. Everything smelled nasty. Like I know it's just the smell of food tapi Ya Allah tak boleh tahan bau tu. I think it lasted until 4-5 bulan then it slowly disappeared. After that, bermulalah episod-episod sakit badan sampailah sekarang haha.

Lagi satu, emosi jadi lagi senang terganggu. Lagi senang menangis. Lagi-lagi bila overthinking ni, mulalah. Tiba-tiba je nangis. But that's normal je kan.

Insyaallah, doakan aku dan baby selamat dan sihat sepanjang proses sebelum, semasa dan selepas bersalin nanti. Insyaallah we can do this!

Till the next post!

 Assalamualaikum 💖

Hi there! I feel the urge to write today. 

Nothing urgent, though. I just had the impulse to post a story on Instagram, describing my experience. But then it got too long and I thought, why not do it on my blog instead?

I truly, truly, miss writing. Writing makes me feel soooo good. It helps me to express my emotions, more so especially because I find it hard to talk about my feelings. My feelings are better expressed through writing, although I feel like I'm improving these days hahaha sebab whenever I feel like nak ngadu to my man, I always end up using voice note since I find it faster and easier. However, my thoughts are always better organized and let out through writing. It's more detailed since all thoughts that I have in my head are let out. It also helps me to remember the stories and certain emotions that come with them. I LOVE IT.

That's what writing does for me, even though I rarely write these days. I just find it to be a hassle to switch on my laptop to write on my blog. I can write on my phone, sure, but it doesn't feel the same. I love the feeling and sound of the clacking keyboard when I write a full length story. My phone pun ada that keyboard sound, but it's not the same. Nak tulis physically? Lagilah malas 😭 My handwriting has been getting so bad after I graduated secondary school. It's like doctor's handwriting in which only I can understand. One time, my ex-manager saw my handwriting and said "jarang tengok perempuan tulisan macam ni". Hahaha I was not offended; I was more like in an utter disbelief and amusement at the same time because he actually has the same handwriting as me! 😂

But anyway, I want to write on my experience meeting doctors regarding period pain.

My period pain can get extreme at times. To the point that I would throw up or get diarrhea with it. Usually, when I experience the extreme pain, I would take a leave from work. But there was one time last year that I decided to get an MC instead in order to get a diagnosis from the doctor; is my condition normal or not? When I met the doctor and told him that I was having period pain, he snickered. As if my pain wasn't enough, I had to meet this scornful doctor who might have thought my condition was like "meh". Ugh. Since then, I never went to doctors again for period pain issues.

However, this time, I just started working at my new company. Alhamdulillah, overall, it's been good. I might talk about this in some other posts if I rajin haha. Since I've only been there for two months, I didn't want to take too many leaves just yet. So I had no other choice than to take an MC. 

I went to the clinic, secretly hoping that I'll meet a female doctor who would understand me. But as I opened the door to the treatment room, I saw a male figure behind the desk. There was an immediate mixture of disappointment and hope at that moment. I felt skeptical towards the doctor due to my previous experience, but to my surprise, he was nothing like what I thought. Astaghfirullah, I should have husnudzon towards him. He looked concerned about my pain and gave me an injection of painkillers, which was probably the most painful injection I have ever received. The pain lingered on for soooo long until I reached home. But as the pain on my arm subsided, my menstrual cramps did, too. Alhamdulillah.

And that's the story of me who stereotyped male doctors haha. Just like how not all flowers look the same, I shouldn't have judged them to have the same mindset when it comes to period pain. It's just unfair of me to do that. My faith in humanity has been restored hewhew.

Till the next post!

 Assalamualaikum 💓

You have no idea how thrilled I am to be writing this. It feels like I'm meeting my crush for the first time and I can feel all the butterflies in my stomach!

I say this every time but I MISS WRITING I MISS MY BLOG okbye.

Anyway, HIIIIIII IT'S BEEN SO LONG SINCE I WAS HERE OMG *tiup habuk*. I don't know where to start. So many things have been happening since the past year. I didn't even get to do an end-of-year or new year posts :(

I guess I'll start with the major thing that's happening to me right now. Well, I've resigned from my job which I held onto for two years now. Like, finally it happened. 

Let's go back to the very beginning of the story. 

I was actually sick when I received a call from Company B one day, saying that I passed the interview! Alhamdulillah. I prepared my resignation letter and went to the bookstore to print it out. At the bookstore, I met the same person who previously helped me print out my resumes, application forms, etc. But that very day, I came back to print out my resignation letter. In my head, I was thinking. If this guy actually remembered me, I might be like one live storybook he's met in his life, in which he was reading the next chapter now. It's interesting to me, the fact that he's met countless people who come to the bookstore, carrying a different story each day. But of course, it would actually be difficult to remember everyone who comes to the store.

Lari topik dah ni. Hahaha. Anyway, I submitted the letter to my superior the next day. As he was congratulating me, I cried. He didn't even say anything sad but I felt sad aggdgh I cannot brain myself lah. My days continued as per usual for 1.5 months as though I never turned in that letter. Even on my last day, I was still pushing to complete my tasks hsshhs.

The weird thing is, I didn't feel all that sad to leave. I thought I would be crying like crazy on my last day, but I didn't. Sure, I cried during the farewell event the previous day but that's only because my close buddy started to cry. I guess I didn't know how to feel then. The excitement for raya might have also influenced my emotions haha since my last day was on 20 April 2023.

But, well, farewell my first job. It's been a truly harsh but fun ride. Hoping to still see my close friends in the future, insyallah.

What's next? I've been on a 1-week break since I resigned, and it's been wonderful. Whenever I reached my limit, I always wished that I could take a break for one week. Just one week and I'd be fine. And I'm having that break now after soooo long. Alhamdulillah. 

I pray that my next journey is one that is blessed by Allah in every step that I take.

Till the next post!

The next thing to update would be...

Alhamdulillah, on 16th July 2022, I got engaged!

On the day itself, I got so nervous to the point that I almost cried. Luckily, my friends came earlier so they were there to support me. When it was time for me to come out and meet his family, that's when the nerves started kicking in and it felt like my heart was going to jump out of my body. Farah hugged me but I was like "no don't hug me I'm going to cry" ahaha and I held her hand tightly and asked her to come with me HAHA. 

Haih nervous gila. Everything and everyone felt like a blur. I couldn't focus at all. The last time I felt that nervous was during JPJ test haha. But alhamdulillah, everything went well and I feel grateful for it 💓 I won't go into much detail hihi.

With this tied knot, may our relationship be blessed and eased until we get married and until Jannah insyaallah 💓 Semoga terus bertahan dengan perangai saya yang entah apa-apa ni 😂

To the readers, please pray for us, and I pray that you be blessed in everything you do 💙

Till the next post!

 Assalamualaikum 💝 

Hello! It's the end of July already. I feel like writing after soooooo long. This post would be a collection of my life updates that I can think of since my last post.

Edit: This post is dedicated to my wisdom tooth extraction since it got way longer that I expected haha other updates will be in the next post (I presume).

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It started a week after Hari Raya Puasa. My teeth on the right side of my mouth were aching but I couldn't pinpoint which one. I let it be for a few days, thinking the pain might go away soon but girl was I wrong. I remember having a big meeting one day and it started hurting so bad that I felt angry haha. 

The next day, I went to see the dental clinic I frequented to previously for my braces. My usual dentist wasn't there, so another dentist did a check-up on me. He suspected that it was my sunken wisdom tooth that's causing the pain, so he took an X-Ray. It turned out my wisdom tooth was decaying and it was starting to affect my nerves (the very reason why it was affecting the whole teeth on the right side).

I could only laugh when I heard the news because I knew what that meant; that tooth needs to be extracted. When I had my braces on, my dentist told me a few times that I might need to extract that wisdom tooth since it was hard to clean (sunken to one side) and not useful anyway. But I didn't want to proceed because in order to get rid of it, I need to go through a minor surgery and that scared me.

I avoided the topic quite a few times up until my last appointment and POOF! I had to face it again this time. Sigh. I remember the doctor saying,

"I think Dr. XX pernah suruh you cabut gigi ni kan"

and I laughed awkwardly together with him😂 Welp, there was no escape this time. The next week, I went to the public dental clinic because a private one would be too expensive 😐 The dentist there also took an X-Ray and said the same thing. I booked for an appointment for the wisdom tooth extraction. Usually, it would take a while before they call you to confirm the date but alhamdulillah, that afternoon I got a call saying that someone cancelled their appointment so there's a free slot for me the next day.

And there I went. 

To be honest, I wasn't THAT nervous because I felt like I've been there before. I got a few of my teeth extracted before and it hurt, but wasn't so bad. However, it was a minor surgery this time. Someone told me they couldn't eat for one whole week because of the pain, took them weeks to recover. That's what made me nervous.

When I entered the room, there was a dentist and her assistant (maybe, I'm not quite sure). I signed an agreement on the risks of the surgery etc etc. I was given anaesthetic at three points in my mouth and it HURT but was expected. When my mouth felt numb, the dentist made her way to the wisdom (probably stupid) tooth.

I didn't feel pain at first, but I could hear and kind of feel the whole process. I don't know what exactly was being grinded; was it the bone or the gums? After a while, the pain started knocking in when they were tearing at my tooth, trying to pluck it out. It was so painful to the point that I almost laughed in the middle of the surgery. Bruh it's still funny to think about that moment 😂 Imagine if I actually started laughing while they were doing their job. Mesti diorang fikir "wah budak ni sakit sampai jadi gila ke"😂 

I thought that was painful enough, but I was wrong. Again. The pain gradually increased. I was fighting off the pain but at one point, I started to cry. My tears just flowed down my cheek and the dentist got worried. To be fair, the anaesthetics worked just fine but it's not helping when someone is trying to take off a tooth buried deep inside your gums. 

I got so tired, slowly getting really exhausted. My whole body felt weak. I gave up. There was no way I could fight it. The corners of my mouth were dry and hurting. I felt dizzy, the terrible headache kept coming at the back of my head all the time when I was holding the pain and tears. The pain was so dreadful to the point that I prayed for Allah to take me immediately if the time has come for me to go.

It was unbearable. That was the worst pain I've ever felt in my life. Not even my awful menstrual cramps can beat that.

It took nearly two hours to get the whole thing done. The people there asked if I was okay, and I said yes. But once I was out of the room, I started crying. All the tears that I had been holding in just burst out. I walked my way to the pharmacy. It was 5.30pm at the time, and the pharmacy was closed. But there was someone there, so I asked if I could still get the medicines prescripted. At first, he said no. But after looking at me, he asked for my prescription and asked me to wait. It was probably because of my red eyes.

When I was waiting in front of the pharmacy, the assistant (?) came and checked on me. But I was crying so badly so I gave him a thumbs up while crying HAHAHA ARGH THAT WAS SO EMBARRASSING 😂 He asked me if someone was picking me up, I said I drove there and started crying even harder ahshsh and then he left. I think he said something else but I don't remember.

After the guy left, I couldn't control my tears anymore. It wasn't much because of the pain, but I just felt so so sad that I had to go through such extreme pain and had been holding it for two hours and I was alone then. By the time the pharmacist came, I was crying and sobbing like a little kid. Even the way he spoke to me was like conversing with a child HAHA because I was listening to him while sobbing. I don't even remember much of what he said.

But I feel thankful for all the kind words and empathy I received that day.

My drive home was full of tears and pain. The pain got extremely horrible as the anaesthetics went away. I couldn't even fall asleep the first night. My energy was gone but it was too painful for me to sleep it off. My face got swollen the next day and I swear half of my face looked like Adudu hahaha. The corners of my mouth were torn. I put serum and Bio-Oil on the wound. It worked wonders! Alhamdulillah, after around three days, the wound started healing and no scar was left behind.

Overall, I think it took me around three weeks for the pain to completely go away. It was a scary experience but I'm glad I did it. Otherwise, my teeth would still be aching to this day.

Till the next post!

 Assalamualaikum

I guess this is the first official post of 2022. Terkejut tengok last post tahun 2021 hshshs.

Sooooooo mmmm let's not beat around the bush. I'm back here because I feel like writing about someone.

His name is A.

💖

I don't know what exactly should I write about, to be honest. But he deserves a post.

I first met him less than a year ago. We were just friends then. It wasn't until the first day of 2022 that I found out he has liked me for a while; probably since Day 1 aha.

Argh malu pulak nak tulis.

But anyway, I thought I should give it a go, so we started to get to know each other. Slowly but surely, as time passed, I started to fall for him.

I don't know why but in less than three months, he has witnessed the inferior parts of me a couple of times. First one; we met up but my most introverted self came out that day. I couldn't get myself to talk to anyone else - not even up for smiling to strangers bruh much less order myself a drink 😂 When he wanted to leave to get something from his car, I was like "NOPE LET ME GET THAT FOR YOU" ahshsh he must be so confused 😂 There's no way you're going to leave me alone in that state 😤

Second one; I was on my first day of period and there came the menstrual cramps. We were out at that time and had to stop twice because I felt like throwing up. Even when I tried to sleep it off, it didn't work 😩 It was so so painful ugh that was one of the terrible ones and he was there with me.

And many other instances when I was on my bad days and guess what? He handled them all well. He calms me down when I panic, listens and supports me when I rant (even about the smallest and stupidest things), cheers me up when I'm down, and so many more. He's always enthusiastic to talk to me, and so am I to him. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve this much kindness from him but alhamdulillah I'm grateful to have him in my life now. He accepts me for who I am and I couldn't ask for more 💓

If somehow you're reading this, I want you to know that you are one of my sources of happiness in this world now, and may it be that way until Jannah. Thank you for coming into my life. I hope you'll be here to stay forever.

May Allah ease everything for us 💖

Till the next post!