Assalamualaikum 

A-yo. It's been too long. Wayyyy too long since I last wrote. Almost six months ago.

Setiap weekend rasa nak menaip. Tapi siapalah aku untuk melawan kemalasan dalam jiwa raga ini. Rasa rindu, tapi boleh buat apa je kalau setiap kali nak menaip, rasa malas tu muncul. Saya hanya menurut kata hati.

Kah.

An update from the last post: Alhamdulillah, I survived. It's going to be 8 months soon. Masa berlalu cepat sangat sampai aku terkejut dah nak 8 bulan. Ingatkan baru 6 bulan. Dah macam-macam jadi sejak aku last post dekat sini.

Honestly, aku pun tak tahu nak cakap pasal apa. Tapi mood dah sampai, so aku pilih untuk menaip tanpa henti. Let the thoughts flow into words without a need for thinking.

The one colleague who helped me get through my tough times is resigning this Friday. She's the reason I survived. Now that she's going to leave, I feel a bit lost. Like what's the meaning of life? Haha. When she first announced that she's resigning, I still remember being in denial and shock at the same time. And I started to sob uncontrollably and tried to hide my tears but when my manager said "Don't cry", I cried even harder. I ran to the toilet and cried together with my friend.

Life's tough, you know? But what's life without tests and difficulties? 

I did my MBTI test just now. I expected my MBTI to change because I felt like I've changed since I started working. But nope, I still got an ISFP haha. The reason I was expecting a change is because I used to be an ISFJ. But after my life went downhill and I got back up, it changed to ISFP. 

I'm feeling a bit savage these days. Probably because my ally is resigning, but I've entered that era moreugetda stage. I don't know how I will get by after she leaves. For now, I'm just going to appreciate the 5 days I have left with her. 

I don't know man. I'm just going to face life head on and enjoy the ride.

Till the next post!

(or till kerajinan muncul)

Hello. After three months, I'm finally here.

I want to ask myself, "How's life?" but the only answer that comes out is,

"It's hard."

Well, actually it's a bit vague. It's hard, but I'm surviving. I'm trying my best to look at things positively.

Overall, it just feels like my effort is not enough, no matter what I do. I want to do more and be better, but I don't know where to start.

---

I accepted a job offer over a month ago, knowing full well that the company is fast-paced. Everyone at the company warned me, but I took it as a challenge because there's nothing impossible to achieve in this world.

But little did I know, I overestimated myself. My head keeps nagging me, "It's not even that hard. What are you so slow for?" but my inner self is struggling a lot to meet my brain's demand. To meet everyone's demand.

I thought I was good at multitasking until I came here. I used to be so good at juggling, but right now there are too many balls to juggle to the point that my hands can't keep up.

There were many instances when I wanted to give up, but I can't. Not until I achieve my goals. My ultimate goals in life.

Fret not, everyone at the company is really nice and willing to help me. But it's also normal to get scolded if you mess up, or if you're too slow. That's all.

This is dramatic but last week I finished my work at 7pm and when I saw the sunset as I was driving, I cried. I love sunsets. I really do. But that was the first time I cried when watching the sun set. I guess all the burden I had been feeling just flowed out then. I didn't even realize I had been suppressing all those emotions in me. I kept brainwashing myself "It's okay, it's okay. You can do this!" without knowing that would mentally harm me.

Someday, insyaallah, I'll make it. Pray for me.

Meanwhile, I'll keep giving my best and surviving.

Until I really survive.

P.S. I miss writing.

Till the next post!💕

Assalamualaikum 💖 

Honestly I still have no idea what to write but it's almost like now or never for me. If this continues any longer, I might unintentionally abandon this blog. I mean, I still write sometimes but it's like a thought of the moment, so I choose to write on my phone instead. It takes way too long for me to get to my laptop, switch it on, wait for it to finish loading, enter my blog and write a post. By then, the idea would've been long gone from my head. That's what happened with my unfinished posts anyway.

I see that my last post was in October, the one where I had a hard time separating from my first ever album. An update on that would be that I'm completely fine now (of course you would be, it's been four months now). I wish I had written more posts after that because I absolutely can't think of anything that happened in the last two months of 2020. But my days have been pretty much the same since then.

Oh I wrote an email to myself in December, to be sent to me in a year time. One of my current fears would be that I would still be the same old me by the time I receive that email this year. I hope I could make my past self proud of what I do.

I think that would be it for now. It's a new start. I should be able to post more in the future.

Have a wonderful and blessed year ahead.

Till the next post!