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Assalamualaikum.

Sama macam post sebelum ni, my baby's taking a nap right now. Hahaha. Biasanya aku tidur sekali tapi ada orang buat rasa rindu nak menulis.

How's life? Alhamdulillah. Whatever is going on, alhamdulillah.

Sedang cuba kenal dan rasa dekat dengan Allah. Walau seringkali gagal. Rasa dekat, jauh balik. Dekat, jauh lagi. Tapi macam tulah iman. Sentiasa turun naik. Yang masalahnya bila dah turun, pastu takde effort nak naikkan balik 🫠

I completed reading a book titled 'Fardhu Ain Mudah Menuju Solehah'. It's a good read, but took a loooooong time to complete sebab malas dan rasa takde masa membaca. Dekat situ belajar balik rukun islam, rukun iman, bab ihsan. Paling terkesan mungkin bab rukun iman. Sebab selama ni kita tahu rukun iman ada 6, tapi kita tak betul-betul faham dan hayati. Sekarang tengah ada kesedaran ada 2 malaikat sedang mencatat di kiri dan kanan. Setiap detik hati, perbuatan dan percakapan yang kita buat. Semuanya diorang tengah catat.

And it's quite scary.

Ada kesedaran bukan bermaksud aku dah baik. Tak. Masih ada je masa aku hilang sabar, cakap pasal orang. Nauzubillah. Ada masa aku ingat, ada masa aku lupa, ada masa buat-buat tak ingat. Rasa macam 'ah kejap je nak mendunia'. Padahal ajal tak ikut plan kita. Bila-bila masa je Malaikat Maut akan sampai.

And it's VERY scary.

Scary sebab? Kita sendiri tahu amalan tak cukup. Tapi tak reti-reti nak top up amalan. Lagi menambah dosa je pulak.

Takut sangat kalau tiba-tiba masa dah sampai dan amalan baik masih tak melebihi dosa. Risau.

Semoga Allah permudahkan jalan kita semua untuk hidup di jalan yang Allah redho. Semoga kita sentiasa mampu jaga hati, mata dan lisan daripada perkara yang Allah murka. Semoga kita sentiasa ikhlas dalam beribadah dan berbuat baik semata-mata kerana Allah. Semoga pada akhirnya, kita dikurniakan husnul khotimah dan syurga yang tertinggi.

Insyaallah.

Till the next post!
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 Assalamualaikum 💓

Hi there. It's me again. Two posts in the same month?! Haven't done that in a while.

You know how women go through the menstrual cycle monthly? I have an additional phase where I have trouble sleeping. It's either I take a long time to fall asleep, or I wake up way too early and cannot go back to sleep. Usually, it's the latter lah. I've been facing this for the past week and I'm just super sleepy right now. Add headache to that package.

I hope this phase goes away asap because I can't stand the constant headache.

People usually assume that it happens because I think too much. It's true to a certain point, but I don't think that's the case. I don't even do it intentionally. My brain would just suddenly start thinking about the most random stuff that are not of my concern anymore, and I have no idea how to stop it. Pink noise does help sometimes, but if I start falling asleep to the noise, I become immune to it the next day and it won't work anymore.

It comes by once in a while. Comes uninvited, leaves unannounced. Tiba-tiba nanti dah okay, dah boleh tidur macam biasa. I'm used to it, but at the same time I can't seem to get used to it. Namsein.

I just yawned for the nth time today.

But alhamdulillah, I'm still alive and healthy. I'm grateful for my life right now; the people, work, environment, etc. There are so many more things that I should be grateful for, rather than complain about my sleeping habits.

---------------------------

This is a bit out of the blue, but I suddenly want to write about iman. I always face this struggle where, alhamdulillah I feel so close to Allah but in the next 10 minutes, my iman can drop to a point where I start to wonder how and what I should do to feel close to Allah. It can happen instantly. I don't even have to wait until the next solat time to feel that way. It makes me realize how fragile one's iman can be, and the only way we can fix that is by praying to Allah to tetapkan our iman. Just pray, pray and pray. Never stop praying to Allah no matter how shameful or sinful we feel at that moment.

Allah knows us best. Allah knows what lies deep inside our hearts without us having to say it. There's no way to lie to Allah about our feelings. 

Semoga kita menjadi insan yang sentiasa mencari Allah, mencari keredaan-Nya dan sentiasa berdoa mengharapkan pengampunan-Nya dalam hidup kita. Semoga kita teguh melawan nafsu dan bisikan syaitan dan sentiasa ingat yang Allah sedang melihat kita. Semoga Allah sentiasa hadirkan penyesalan dan keinsafan dalam hati kita tiap kali kita berbuat dosa.

Semoga kita semua bertemu di syurga nanti.

Insyaallah amin.



Till the next post!
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Assalamualaikum 💖 


Hello! This is officially my first post of 2021. I actually have been trying to write up some New Year posts in January, but I had no idea how to continue or end them, so yeah, not posted.

Honestly I still have no idea what to write but it's almost like now or never for me. If this continues any longer, I might unintentionally abandon this blog. I mean, I still write sometimes but it's like a thought of the moment, so I choose to write on my phone instead. It takes way too long for me to get to my laptop, switch it on, wait for it to finish loading, enter my blog and write a post. By then, the idea would've been long gone from my head. That's what happened with my unfinished posts anyway.

I see that my last post was in October, the one where I had a hard time separating from my first ever album. An update on that would be that I'm completely fine now (of course you would be, it's been four months now). I wish I had written more posts after that because I absolutely can't think of anything that happened in the last two months of 2020. But my days have been pretty much the same since then.

Oh I wrote an email to myself in December, to be sent to me in a year time. One of my current fears would be that I would still be the same old me by the time I receive that email this year. I hope I could make my past self proud of what I do.

I think that would be it for now. It's a new start. I should be able to post more in the future.

Have a wonderful and blessed year ahead.

Till the next post!
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 Assalamualaikum dunia!💥


Cuba teka siapa dok tangguh nak buat cover letter sampai harini lepastu decide nak update blog instead?

Ugh macam-macam alasan dah aku bagi dekat diri sendiri. Tapi tulah susahnyaaaa nak buat cover letter! Dia macam senang tapi jadi susah bila fikir cara nak buat surat tu jadi attractive. Susahlah weh astaghfirullah berapa kali dah aku give up ni. Bila dah mula buat, aku sendiri pulak rasa yang ada benda tak cukup, ada benda yang aku boleh improve. Penatlah berfikir.

Dah lama tak menulis dalam BM dekat blog ni. Aku baca posts lama lepastu rindu nak tulis dalam BM. Rasa kagum gila dengan cara penulisan aku yang dulu. Sekarang? BM ke English ke sama je ke laut hahaha inilah padahnya bila dah lama tak membaca. Aku nak tulis BM pun jadi kekok padahal hari-hari cakap BM. Segala kosa kata yang aku pernah tahu dah tersorok dalam kepala ni. Macam mana entah nak keluarkan. Paling teruk, secara tak sedar otak aku tengah translate ayat dari English ke BM sekarang ni. Mungkin sebab aku asyik tulis English je selama ni sampai aku dah terbiasa.

Aku ada beli buku Kitab Tamadun Melayu by The Patriots dalam dua bulan lepas. Tapi sampai sekarang belum habis baca. Separuh pun tak sampai lagi :') Di mana aku yang duluuu yang boleh habiskan buku setebal alam dalam sehari 😭 Aku beli sebab aku minat sejarah tapi hmmm adakah aku sudah berubah :') Atau aku sekadar manusia pemalas :')

Pelik sebenarnya bila tiba-tiba aku aktif dekat blog. Tak adalah aktif sangat, tapi aktif lah dari kebiasaannya. Aku jadi suka nak menulis balik bila dah tak sibuk ni. Setiap masa rasa nak keluarkan semua yang ada dalam kepala ni dalam bentuk penulisan. Macam dulu. Rasa seronok and healing bila menulis. Masalahnya sekarang, bila aku dah rajin menulis dekat blog balik, tak ada orang nak update blog pun 😭 Memang sekarang tak ada siapa suka menulis ke macam mana 😭 Aku rasa aku nak cari blog-blog baru untuk aku baca lepas aku habis tulis ni. Di mana semangat menulis anda wahai rakyat Malaysia dan masyarakat global 😭 Sesungguhnya saya bosan so saya nak baca pasal kehidupan dan pengalaman strangers 😭

Till the next post!
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 Assalamualaikum 💖

First of all, HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY, MALAYSIA! 🎆




Second of all, I'm bored. I just thought of writing. Maybe it can unleash all the hidden emotions within me.

I actually met up with my form 1 - 3 classmates a week or two ago. It took a lot of courage for me to attend the reunion because I hadn't seen most of them ever since school ended. I was nervous and afraid if I would end up wanting to go home as soon as I arrived. The thought of meeting strangers was more appealing to me. But deep in my heart, I did want to go because it's been soooo long and I knew that if I didn't go this time, I might end up not joining them forever haha. So I did. With my friends' encouragements.

There's another reunion for my SPM classmates this weekend but I'm still not sure if I want to come or not... Now I understand why in some movies, the lead actors always refuse to go to their school reunions. I couldn't understand before this like just go and meet up with your old friends it's not that hard. Well, I guess it's easier said than done.

In another news, I just deleted about 10 albums in my phone dedicated to K-Pop. I've been wanting to do that for a while now but it wasn't easy at all. I've been a K-Pop fan for more than half of my life now. Hold up, I'm not saying that I'm going to quit liking K-Pop. That's just... impossible at the moment. It'd be like I'm letting go of half of my source of happiness that has stayed with me for more than a decade now.

This would be hard to understand for non-Kpop fans. It's not only about the music. It's about how some of the artists would give out words of wisdom, encouragement, advice, etc. to the fans when we need them most. It's about the inspiration they give us to keep going and improving ourselves to do better. It's about how some of them share their experiences and deepest emotions, making sure that we know we're not alone in this, or if not, that we are aware about these kinds of situations. Yes, I'm talking about Jae, and the rest of DAY6.

It's less about the aegyo and all kinds of concepts they can pull. Less about the pleasant personalities that they choose to show us. But it's more about the fact that they choose to show that they, the idols, are imperfect humans too. Making us feel belonged. It's these things that make it hard for me to let go.

This has been going through my head for weeks now. Ever since I had troubles balancing these two worlds. I considered abandoning K-Pop for me to focus more on my ibadah. But then I wondered if K-Pop really strayed me away from Islam? I admit that sometimes it does, like when I prayed in a rush because of a concert, and so on. It happens whenever I'm active on my stan Twitter account. There, everyone is like super updated and I didn't want to miss out on anything. But the thing is, K-Pop is not the sole reason that I became distracted in my ibadah. It happened whenever I prioritized the worldly matters more than anything, forgetting that Allah is the owner of time. The One who owns this world. Who am I to neglect my ibadah when I'm the one who needs Him, and not the other way around?

What finally made me decide to delete those albums was a video by Ustaz Adnin. I just felt like googling "Is kpop haram" and that video came out. Some lectures would just straight up say, yes it's haram, but he's unbiased. I like that he doesn't specify his answers towards K-Pop, but instead he discussed the issue generally on all forms of entertainment. That immediately made me want to continue listening. When he talked about obsession to the point of saving the photos of the artists in one's phone, I was like 'whoa hold up I'm going to delete these RIGHT NOW' haha. To be very honest, I rarely even looked at the photos I saved (except for memes) but I keep them saved in my phone anyway. Thousands of pictures only for birthday purposes hshshds. I thought I wouldn't feel anything when I deleted them but bruh it felt like I was breaking up with someone haha. But I'm absolutely fine as I've been wanting to delete them anyways.

So, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to log out of that stan Twitter account that created that pressure in me to stay updated with everything. Probably not going to delete it (yet). I think I'll be better then. With less fangirling and obsession over K-Pop :')

I think this all the time but I miss the 2015 me.

Pray for me, everyone. I'm trying to change but slowly so I don't get shocked.

Till the next post!
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Assalamualaikum 💖

My first post of 2020.

It's funny how my last post was on wearing braces. It's like I put on braces and poof I just disappeared without a trace, when in fact, a lot of things have happened since then. I mean it's been months, of course lots of things would have happened.

I do write sometimes, but I only have them saved in my phone. Things like my emotions, my thoughts, my dreams. Simple stuff, but ones I'd like to express at once. They're personal and I wouldn't upload them anywhere unless I feel like it.

I always write down my dreams (not dreams as in what I want to do in the future, but dreams as in the ones you have when you sleep), but not all of them. Only ones that I'd like to remember for a long time. Because once, they made me feel good when I woke up, and I want to carry that feeling in my writing, so that I can feel the emotion again in the future. I love doing it. Writing just gives you that satisfaction.

I don't have a talent for poems, but I love writing them as well! Mostly in English and Malay. I wrote one in Korean, and another one in Indonesian (Dilan is to blame). They are not exactly beautiful but the emotions I felt when I wrote them are carried in every word. For example when I wrote about my crush, and I read it now, I can still feel how fresh my feelings for him were. When we first met. When I started liking him. When I first realized it. That exact feeling right there, I can feel it. You know what I mean?

My own words carry that much impact on me.

Perhaps that's the reason my blog still lives, while others have abandoned theirs. Writing heals me. I let off some burdens through writing. I express my emotions through writing. When I don't blog, I write on my phone. Sometimes on paper, but rarely. Aaaanndd I also love to read my writings.💖 Again and again and again. Be it on this blog, my phone, or Twitter. I hope I'm not the only one who does this?😂

I can't remember if I've said this before, but because I loved books so much, I used to want to be a writer. I mean, I still do, if I could, but I don't have the confidence to do it anymore. I don't possess a variety of imaginations as I once had, so I don't think I can pull off creating an interesting world that draws readers in. Even if I could, I don't know if I could continue the story or end it well. It's been ages since I wrote short stories so ugh. I would probably try writing one again someday (when will that day come, or will it ever come, I don't know for certain). I'd love to do it as a hobby.😝

Oh man I've strayed too far. I was actually here to write on life update since it's been so long. But here we are. I'm not even surprised anymore.😂 I'm not that talkative in real life but I sure talk a lot when I write. Guess I'll write that in another post then.😂

Till the next post!💕


P.S. I just remembered that it used to be "annyeong goodbye adios" (a long time ago). I don't know how and when it changed to "till the next post" but I like it 😝
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