*tarik nafas dalam-dalam*

*hembus nafas sambil tiup blog yang dah sekian lama berhabuk*

Helloooo my baby blog! It's been more than a year since I last posted haha.

Macam biasalah. Kadang-kadang rasa nak menaip tapi mood tu tak cukup sampai. Nak menaip dekat phone pun takdan dah. 

So, setahun dah berlalu. What's up? What's changed?

The biggest change in my life over the past year would be that, I'm married now! Alhamdulillah. Is it too late to write about the big day? Hahaha I guess it is, but you know what? I'm going to do it anyway!

Alhamdulillah, I'm married to A whom I talked about here last December. The preparations went well, although a bit stressful at times. I started my surveys and booked the big big stuff like the wedding hall, photographer, pelamin, MUA, etc. since the previous year. Why so early, if you ask me? Sebab aku taknak stress agshshs but at the same time need to make sure that you have surveyed enough and went through everything before you decide to go for the one.

I guess the top #1 thing that stressed me out was the pelamin/catering (same PIC). I booked them in Jan/Feb 2023. Everything was okay je, PIC pun baik and helpful. Problem dia satu je - kedai dia jauh dari rumah but since harga dia affordable and everything looked good, aku okay je. Tapi lama-lama jadi tak okay sebab rasa macam dia explain tak habis. A few times jugak kena berulang pergi kedai dia sebab nak double confirm information masa majlis tu. Sebab dekat whatsapp tu tah la nak reply nya lambat, lepastu kadang-kadang macam dia tak faham pulak apa aku tanya. Banyak sangat miscommunication. Tapi dia baik tapi ko faham tak 😭

Paling tak boleh go, untuk pelamin and deco tu, I requested colour all white + soft pink gitu. Macam 90% white, 10% soft pink. Kira taknak ada colour hijau daun tu langsung lah and dia pun macam "okay kita boleh buat". Tapi wahh. Sehari sebelum majlis, diorang sampai dewan lambat untuk setup, buat haku stress je malam tu. Pastu esok pagi-pagi bangun masa D-Day tu, tengok dia send gambar pelamin lagi rasa macam nak ngamuk tapi takleh ngamuk sebab nak kahwin agshshs. KENAPA ADA HIJAU DI SITUUU. HARITU KATA BOLEH BUAT TAPI KENAPA MASIH ADA HIJAU-HIJAUAN. Okay tutup cerita, dah hampir setahun dah. Masa tengok gambar dia send tu, I kept reminding myself like, "takpe benda dah jadi, tenang tenang just go with the flow".

Would I recommend them? Only the catering, yes, sebab makanan dia sedap and service pun bagus hewhew. Not the pelamin. 

Okay back to the D-Day! Weirdly enough, alhamdulillah, aku sangatlah tenang before, during and after majlis haha. Pagi tu macam chill je, macam takde apa nak pergi nikah ni. Siap-siap, gelak-gelak apa semua, masih tenang. Knowing myself, I would have cried sebab nervous + rasa overwhelmed haha tapi alhamdulillah Allah kurniakan ketenangan luar biasa hari tu. Lepas nikah pun masih chill lagi. Ingatkan tengok mama nangis, aku nangis sekali tapi tidakk. Suami kita pulak yang nangis haha comel je 😂 

Alhamdulillah. Segala puji bagi Allah. Everything went well. Syukur dikelilingi keluarga dan kawan-kawan yang baik. Yang membantu menenangkan jiwa raga.

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The next news would be, alhamdulillah, we're blessed with a mini us inside me. I've started my maternity leave since our baby is due this week. I can't wait to meet these little kicks, but at the same time I'm feeling nervous. 

My pregnancy journey is good, alhamdulillah. Tak ada craving yang bukan-bukan and in fact, the craving can wait haha opposite sangat dengan before pregnant. Sebelum ni, ada masanya bila craving tu boleh nangis kalau tak dapat ya 😂 Tapi alhamdulillah pregnancy craving ni memudahkan hehe. The worst part would be masa first trimester bila aku tak boleh nak bau masakan. Goreng ke rebus ke apa ke, semua tak boleh. Everything smelled nasty. Like I know it's just the smell of food tapi Ya Allah tak boleh tahan bau tu. I think it lasted until 4-5 bulan then it slowly disappeared. After that, bermulalah episod-episod sakit badan sampailah sekarang haha.

Lagi satu, emosi jadi lagi senang terganggu. Lagi senang menangis. Lagi-lagi bila overthinking ni, mulalah. Tiba-tiba je nangis. But that's normal je kan.

Insyaallah, doakan aku dan baby selamat dan sihat sepanjang proses sebelum, semasa dan selepas bersalin nanti. Insyaallah we can do this!

Till the next post!

Hi there. It's me again. Two posts in the same month?! Haven't done that in a while.

You know how women go through the menstrual cycle monthly? I have an additional phase where I have trouble sleeping. It's either I take a long time to fall asleep, or I wake up way too early and cannot go back to sleep. Usually, it's the latter lah. I've been facing this for the past week and I'm just super sleepy right now. Add headache to that package.

I hope this phase goes away asap because I can't stand the constant headache.

People usually assume that it happens because I think too much. It's true to a certain point, but I don't think that's the case. I don't even do it intentionally. My brain would just suddenly start thinking about the most random stuff that are not of my concern anymore, and I have no idea how to stop it. Pink noise does help sometimes, but if I start falling asleep to the noise, I become immune to it the next day and it won't work anymore.

It comes by once in a while. Comes uninvited, leaves unannounced. Tiba-tiba nanti dah okay, dah boleh tidur macam biasa. I'm used to it, but at the same time I can't seem to get used to it. Namsein.

I just yawned for the nth time today.

But alhamdulillah, I'm still alive and healthy. I'm grateful for my life right now; the people, work, environment, etc. There are so many more things that I should be grateful for, rather than complain about my sleeping habits.

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This is a bit out of the blue, but I suddenly want to write about iman. I always face this struggle where, alhamdulillah I feel so close to Allah but in the next 10 minutes, my iman can drop to a point where I start to wonder how and what I should do to feel close to Allah. It can happen instantly. I don't even have to wait until the next solat time to feel that way. It makes me realize how fragile one's iman can be, and the only way we can fix that is by praying to Allah to tetapkan our iman. Just pray, pray and pray. Never stop praying to Allah no matter how shameful or sinful we feel at that moment.

Allah knows us best. Allah knows what lies deep inside our hearts without us having to say it. There's no way to lie to Allah about our feelings. 

Semoga kita menjadi insan yang sentiasa mencari Allah, mencari keredaan-Nya dan sentiasa berdoa mengharapkan pengampunan-Nya dalam hidup kita. Semoga kita teguh melawan nafsu dan bisikan syaitan dan sentiasa ingat yang Allah sedang melihat kita. Semoga Allah sentiasa hadirkan penyesalan dan keinsafan dalam hati kita tiap kali kita berbuat dosa.

Semoga kita semua bertemu di syurga nanti.

Insyaallah amin.

Till the next post!

 Assalamualaikum 💖

Hi there! I feel the urge to write today. 

Nothing urgent, though. I just had the impulse to post a story on Instagram, describing my experience. But then it got too long and I thought, why not do it on my blog instead?

I truly, truly, miss writing. Writing makes me feel soooo good. It helps me to express my emotions, more so especially because I find it hard to talk about my feelings. My feelings are better expressed through writing, although I feel like I'm improving these days hahaha sebab whenever I feel like nak ngadu to my man, I always end up using voice note since I find it faster and easier. However, my thoughts are always better organized and let out through writing. It's more detailed since all thoughts that I have in my head are let out. It also helps me to remember the stories and certain emotions that come with them. I LOVE IT.

That's what writing does for me, even though I rarely write these days. I just find it to be a hassle to switch on my laptop to write on my blog. I can write on my phone, sure, but it doesn't feel the same. I love the feeling and sound of the clacking keyboard when I write a full length story. My phone pun ada that keyboard sound, but it's not the same. Nak tulis physically? Lagilah malas 😭 My handwriting has been getting so bad after I graduated secondary school. It's like doctor's handwriting in which only I can understand. One time, my ex-manager saw my handwriting and said "jarang tengok perempuan tulisan macam ni". Hahaha I was not offended; I was more like in an utter disbelief and amusement at the same time because he actually has the same handwriting as me! 😂

But anyway, I want to write on my experience meeting doctors regarding period pain.

My period pain can get extreme at times. To the point that I would throw up or get diarrhea with it. Usually, when I experience the extreme pain, I would take a leave from work. But there was one time last year that I decided to get an MC instead in order to get a diagnosis from the doctor; is my condition normal or not? When I met the doctor and told him that I was having period pain, he snickered. As if my pain wasn't enough, I had to meet this scornful doctor who might have thought my condition was like "meh". Ugh. Since then, I never went to doctors again for period pain issues.

However, this time, I just started working at my new company. Alhamdulillah, overall, it's been good. I might talk about this in some other posts if I rajin haha. Since I've only been there for two months, I didn't want to take too many leaves just yet. So I had no other choice than to take an MC. 

I went to the clinic, secretly hoping that I'll meet a female doctor who would understand me. But as I opened the door to the treatment room, I saw a male figure behind the desk. There was an immediate mixture of disappointment and hope at that moment. I felt skeptical towards the doctor due to my previous experience, but to my surprise, he was nothing like what I thought. Astaghfirullah, I should have husnudzon towards him. He looked concerned about my pain and gave me an injection of painkillers, which was probably the most painful injection I have ever received. The pain lingered on for soooo long until I reached home. But as the pain on my arm subsided, my menstrual cramps did, too. Alhamdulillah.

And that's the story of me who stereotyped male doctors haha. Just like how not all flowers look the same, I shouldn't have judged them to have the same mindset when it comes to period pain. It's just unfair of me to do that. My faith in humanity has been restored hewhew.

Till the next post!