5th of September already. Whew.

I just started my third semester this week. So far, so good (because most classes are cancelled). But yes I'm pretty worried because all the subjects seem tough, especially Chemical Thermodynamics.😭 I don't even know why I was so into chemistry back then. I even applied for some chemistry courses during UPU. Now imagine if I actually got into a chemistry course weh I can see the hikmah now.

As the title said, I'm going to talk about climbing a mountain in this post. Hmm I don't think I've ever actually gone hiking before this. Probably during a scouts camping in form six. I don't know where that was but I struggled a lot. Does that count?

Anyway my sisters had been planning this for a while, and they asked me to come with them. I was reluctant to do it. I doubted myself. Could I do this? What if I got too tired while climbing? What if I ended up being the only one left behind? A lot of thoughts went through my mind. But you know what? I ended up being like 에라 모르겠다 and tagged along.

As a disclaimer, I took less than ten photos there because my stamina wouldn't allow me to hold a phone.

On our Independence Day, 31st of August, my two sisters, cousin and I left for Gunung Datuk around 7 a.m.. When we arrived, I felt like giving up already after seeing the mountain standing tall in front of me. Tall isn't even the word since, you know, it was thousands of feet higher than me...

The start of the climb was no joke. Like literally. It wasn't even halfway up when I told my sis that I was going back down alone. I didn't feel good, and imagining how much higher I had to climb just made me sick. I ended up throwing up, and I immediately felt better. But I still wanted to give up because who knew what could happen higher up in the mountain? However my sister persuaded me to continue, telling me how normal it was to be like that. She went through it, so I could do it too. So here went a few more thousands of feet, with 'Pil is waiting for me up there' as an encouragement.😂

When I reached the peak, I felt like it was worth the climb. I was so exhausted, but the view was healing it. We had to climb some ladders to actually reach the top and I almost cried as my sister forced me hahahahaha I was such a scaredy-cat doh I didn't know I was that afraid of heights until that moment. Phew. I gathered up my courage and climbed up anyway, and the view was stunning.



I'm just going to upload this one photo sebab gambar lain semua muka barai.😂
I expected the climbing down to be okay and better than climbing up. But I was wrong. Completely wrong. It was much harder for me (although faster) since the tracks were very steep. Kaki dah menggigil teruk halfway down. I kept wishing a helicopter would pass by and pick me up as it felt like I could fall down anytime. My legs couldn't support my weight so I could barely walk. If I went a little bit faster I would fall over, that's for sure, and that's how extreme it was so I cried.... Don't worry, I made it to the base in the end because of my sisters' support :')

One nice thing that I noticed was how nice people actually are. I saw strangers greeting each other, exchanging small conversations as they passed one another.

It was a great experience for me. It was tough, but definitely worth it.

I made it, guys. I made it, and I'm proud of it. I love myself for not giving up.💖

Till the next post!💞

Here goes my trip to Balai Seni Negara (National Art Gallery)! I just want to post this before my new semester starts😭 Gosh I really don't want this break to end.

I'm back. Tiba-tiba rasa nak menaip. You know, when there's a lot that you feel inside, but you don't know how to express it. Tapi harini aku nak cuba keluarkan satu-satu.

I miss the old days.


It was my brother's birthday a few days ago. He's officially 17 now, alhamdulillah. Out of the blue fragments of memories flashed through my mind.

I remember him, a small him, crying at the beach. Screaming. He was scared of the seawater. Even when his foot touched the water, he'd cry. Such a baby.

I remember saying that I was going to marry him when he was months old. I was four then, what could I have known about marriage. I was a greedy kid, I wanted that cute baby all to myself. Not sure if I was a good sister when we were young though.

When he got older, he started to talk a lot, asking so many questions. A very curious kid. I remember getting annoyed at his questions and answering him half-heartedly. I remember asking him to be quiet instead. It wasn't until my teacher told us that it was a nature of children to become curious about everything, that I started to realize how I should respond to him.

You have to answer their curiosities. "Even when you don't know the answer, just say anything even if it sounds nonsensical to you, because it doesn't to them.", my teacher said. Of course I didn't change at once, what do you expect? I'd get annoyed, then feel guilty, then treat him better, then get annoyed again. A bad sister.

He still talks a lot now, what a chatterbox.

I remember when I was eight, I asked him for my scissors back. He wouldn't return it, so we started to fight and he accidentally cut my finger. I still have the scar on my middle finger. Luckily it looks cool and right on point, if not I would've complained to him every single day of my life.

I remember him bawling his eyes out whenever he didn't get to watch his cartoon shows. My dad even had to make a deal with him so that he would only get to watch them until 6pm. Beyond that, the remote control would be ours. Go to sleep kiddo.

He used to ask for me and my sisters' help to write his name on exercise books. Kid, deep in my heart I don't want you to stop asking me for help (although I seem to complain a lot). I want to keep being your big sister and look after you no matter how much time has passed.

Now that little boy is already 17. I feel so old. I know I'm 21 already whatever but these things just remind me of how old I've gotten. How much time has passed, making me wish that time could stop for me. I don't want to get any older because I don't know what kind of future awaits for me. It scares me.

Responsibilities that keep piling up as we get older force me to plan out my life. To be frank, I still don't know what I'm going to do after I finish my studies. Of course I'd like to work and help out my family, but what kind of work? I have no idea, whether it's going to be related to my degree or not. I thought of starting a business, but man I really don't know. For now, my only goal is to get a first class degree so that my PTPTN loan can be converted into a scholarship. Beyond that, I'm just going to go with the flow I guess.

I want to go back to being a child, in the arms of my parents, when I couldn't care less about the world. But at the same time nak balas jasa parents, I want to take care of them, and just be with my family. Can someone find me a solution😞

"Wish we could turn back time to the good old days, when our mama sang us to sleep but now we're stressed out."

But me, being me, I'm just going to live my life to the fullest at the moment.

Till the next post💕