My first post of 2020.

It's funny how my last post was on wearing braces. It's like I put on braces and poof I just disappeared without a trace, when in fact, a lot of things have happened since then. I mean it's been months, of course lots of things would have happened.

I do write sometimes, but I only have them saved in my phone. Things like my emotions, my thoughts, my dreams. Simple stuff, but ones I'd like to express at once. They're personal and I wouldn't upload them anywhere unless I feel like it.

I always write down my dreams (not dreams as in what I want to do in the future, but dreams as in the ones you have when you sleep), but not all of them. Only ones that I'd like to remember for a long time. Because once, they made me feel good when I woke up, and I want to carry that feeling in my writing, so that I can feel the emotion again in the future. I love doing it. Writing just gives you that satisfaction.

I don't have a talent for poems, but I love writing them as well! Mostly in English and Malay. I wrote one in Korean, and another one in Indonesian (Dilan is to blame). They are not exactly beautiful but the emotions I felt when I wrote them are carried in every word. For example when I wrote about my crush, and I read it now, I can still feel how fresh my feelings for him were. When we first met. When I started liking him. When I first realized it. That exact feeling right there, I can feel it. You know what I mean?

My own words carry that much impact on me.

Perhaps that's the reason my blog still lives, while others have abandoned theirs. Writing heals me. I let off some burdens through writing. I express my emotions through writing. When I don't blog, I write on my phone. Sometimes on paper, but rarely. Aaaanndd I also love to read my writings.💖 Again and again and again. Be it on this blog, my phone, or Twitter. I hope I'm not the only one who does this?😂

I can't remember if I've said this before, but because I loved books so much, I used to want to be a writer. I mean, I still do, if I could, but I don't have the confidence to do it anymore. I don't possess a variety of imaginations as I once had, so I don't think I can pull off creating an interesting world that draws readers in. Even if I could, I don't know if I could continue the story or end it well. It's been ages since I wrote short stories so ugh. I would probably try writing one again someday (when will that day come, or will it ever come, I don't know for certain). I'd love to do it as a hobby.😝

Oh man I've strayed too far. I was actually here to write on life update since it's been so long. But here we are. I'm not even surprised anymore.😂 I'm not that talkative in real life but I sure talk a lot when I write. Guess I'll write that in another post then.😂

Till the next post!💕


P.S. I just remembered that it used to be "annyeong goodbye adios" (a long time ago). I don't know how and when it changed to "till the next post" but I like it 😝

Hello there! I've been avoiding this blog for some time now hahaha. I said that I'd talk about what I did last February this semester break, but ha I guess kata-kataku hanya mimpi di siang hari. The break is going to be over in two days bruh and I still haven't started so I'm just going to tell you what happened. Actually,








*drum rolls*








I went to South Korea with my siblings! This was something very unplanned. On all the ten days of my stay there, I'd find some time to write everything that I did on that day. Why? I WAS SO EAGER TO WRITE ABOUT IT ON MY BLOG.😂 I didn't want to forget anything. All the experiences are here, and they're just waiting to be uploaded on Le Journey. It's been six months now duh I don't even know when I will actually upload them. I'm starting my fifth semester soon, and then there's my internship, and my final semester. But insyaallah I promise I'll upload them though even if it's messy. I don't really want to disappoint the Feb 2019 me. 😩

For today, I'm going to talk about something else. I'm wearing braces!! 😆 It's been ten days now. The reason that I'm wearing braces is that I have overbite and overlapping bottom teeth. They're not so severe that people would notice them right away, but they've always been a part of my insecurities. I had no problems with it as I was growing up, like I've embraced that part of me but the insecurity would just creep back in at random times. You know what I mean?

I only realized that my teeth were different from others when I was in primary school. I never really noticed that I couldn't close my mouth naturally. I thought it was normal that way until my sister asked me to close my mouth and I was like "I AM closing my mouth what do you mean??" Then I brought my lips together and thought, "Oh. I wasn't." Since then, I practiced closing my mouth until it only felt natural to do so. The same goes for my other insecurity; my nose. Honestly, this is like my main insecurity since it's clearly visible.

Here's the thing though. I've embraced my insecurities as time passes by. I'm totally fine with them now and I'm able to just brush off jokes about them. But the insecurities would attack me if people keep mentioning them way too many times in a single conversation. I'm fine once it's over though. I enjoy being with myself, you see. I can't let people's negativity ruin my joy.

However, back then, when I was a child, I could not be okay just like that. You make fun of me, I get nervous and pretend to laugh it off, but deep inside I think of all sorts of negative things. "Why am I different from others? Why do I have to look like this? Why can't I be perfect like others? Am I ugly?" It was endless. It didn't happen that often but every time it did, I'd remember. Most adults would say nice things, but others couldn't be as kind. I would avoid the person who said it in fear of them repeating the same thing to me. I couldn't handle it. I was embarrassed for having these facial features whenever someone said those stuff about me. I was a child who didn't understand what "embrace your insecurities" meant. As far as I remember, I've never told this to anyone, not even to my parents, as I thought it was embarrassing (although my parents didn't make fun of me). It got better as time passed though, since I started to accept myself as who I was.

Next time you want to make fun of a child, think again. You might just want to joke around and be funny, but it's not funny to the child. If the child doesn't feel insecure about it, then it's fine. But what if he/she does? It's not something that you can see, so the best way is to just stop making fun of something they could be insecure about.

Don't misunderstand though. I had a really happy childhood.😂 I'm just saying what could happen if you ridicule a child.

Anyway, I've actually wanted to put on braces since my school days, but whenever the topic came up I would dismiss it because I was scared. I'm not very pain-tolerant so yeah. Last May/June, I went for teeth scaling and thought, should I really wear braces now? I couldn't make up my mind so it took me a while before I finally decided to just do it. If I'm really going to wear them someday, I better do it now. And I finally did on 21/8/2019. Phew.

The process of putting on braces didn't hurt at all, but the aftereffects though... That's what hurt. I read this blog where she said that her teeth felt weak (?) something like that so she couldn't eat anything the first week. I didn't understand this at first. I felt like it's impossible for your teeth to behave that way. After I left the clinic, my teeth felt somewhat tight and I nearly cried while eating my McD porridge :') At that time my teeth didn't hurt that much when I bit the chicken but it just felt awkward having those metals in my mouth. The next day? Bruh I couldn't bite a thing doh even the softest food and I was like "what the heck is wrong with my teeth😂". It hurt when I tried to bite anything weh I never thought it was possible.

The first time I looked at myself in the mirror after putting on the braces, I thought I made the worst decision in my life. I looked ugly. Hazim sent me a picture of a sloth wearing braces two days before and I looked exactly like that. He said I was going to be a nerd and I really did. It's not like I didn't expect myself to look ugly but man the reality hit me. I felt like taking off the braces instantly.

A new point of insecurity arose and I didn't know how to overcome that because I felt ugly all the time. The fourth day, I cried. I regretted deciding to wear braces as I was already fine and not insecure about my teeth. Now what? Another insecurity crept in making me feel miserable. I couldn't close my mouth naturally before, and now, it's even more so because of the metals. But I practiced, just like I did last time, and today I'm able to bring my lips together at ease. It's been ten days now, and I'm proud to say that I'm overcoming this new insecurity of mine!! I even met up with my friends the other day so I guess it's a progress hehe.

To anyone with insecurities, I hope you'll find a way to cope with them and accept yourself as you are. Nobody is perfect. Some people might seem like they are, but even they, too, have insecurities. So embrace your insecurities, and love yourself more!💕



P.S. Happy 62nd Independence Day to my beloved country, Malaysia!💖


Till the next post!😋

Hiluuu I'm backk, signalling the end of my second year at UiTM hehe. I took the final paper last week and phew alhamdulillah I was just so so glad that my fourth semester was over. I desperately wanted the semester to end man the suffocation was real.

Anyway, two days after the last paper, I went on a trip to Ipoh with my family. Coincidentally (or not😏), my birthday fell on our last day in Ipoh. We had a little celebration with a small cake the night before and I just felt thankful for that. Thankful to have my loved ones with me, and thankful that Allah still allowed me more time with them.

Before we went home on Sunday, we dropped by Cameron Highlands just to have all the strawberry dishes we couldn't have last time. Hahaha so last year we went there during Ramadhan (I still wonder why we did that) so we couldn't enjoy the chocolate-dipped strawberries, waffles and all that ugh it was a bit frustrating.😂 This time we came just to eat these and left afterwards. Bruh it's still funny to me.😂😂


Later that night, when we reached Seremban, we went out again together with my bro and grandma (they couldn't come with us for the vacation) for a second celebration. Wee this was the first time that I had two cakes for my birthday. I guess I'm really 22 now. 😂

Regardless, I was actually already content with my birthday since I got to spend it with my family, all day long. I felt grateful (hyped) to have them with me. Be it visiting places, or sitting in the car for hours, I didn't mind as long as my family was around. Thank you mama, ayah, nenek, akak, angah and Iman for existing and staying with me through all these years.😘 Thank you for just being there for me.💕

Man I feel like crying now.😭

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Okay let's move on, shall we? Before that, I need to get ready untuk baper. Lagi dan lagi dan lagi.

Yesterday, I went to watch Dilan 1991 with my sister. Guess what? Gw baper berat. Berat yang teramat. Kejap-kejap menangis eh I couldn't even count how many times tears just rolled down my cheeks. Man it's damn sad like I really ship Dilan and Milea and now whaatttt. I already read on Twitter beforehand, that it wasn't going to be a happy ending. Yet I still wasn't prepared for it. Not just the ending, but wayyyy before that lagi aku dah nangis bruh I was too emotional. Especially when it came to Milea crying in front of her Ibu and Bunda, my emotions just burst like wow I could feel her. EEEE DILAN PUN SATU HAL TAU NI LAGI SATU PUNCA AKU NANGIS.😭😭 In the last scene pun, Milea tak nangis tapi end up aku yang mengalir air mata tak sudah-sudah.😭


I guess the actors just pulled the acts off really well sampai aku baper teruk macam ni. Sampai sekaranglah tak move on lagi. Aih I just want the next movie to come out already. 😞 Meanwhile I'm going to finish reading the three Dilan novels first. Aih I'm so in love. Dilan is cheesy in such a way that makes me cringe, but I still love him because his every word is just unpredictable. Well, excuse me but I've added this Dilan series to the list of my favourite Indonesian movies, along with AADC and London Love Story.🙈

Semoga aku ga terus baper kegini.

"Insyaallah. Doain."

😭💔

Till the next post I guess😭