Assalamualaikum💖
*drum rolls*
I went to South Korea with my siblings! This was something very unplanned. On all the ten days of my stay there, I'd find some time to write everything that I did on that day. Why? I WAS SO EAGER TO WRITE ABOUT IT ON MY BLOG.😂 I didn't want to forget anything. All the experiences are here, and they're just waiting to be uploaded on Le Journey. It's been six months now duh I don't even know when I will actually upload them. I'm starting my fifth semester soon, and then there's my internship, and my final semester. But insyaallah I promise I'll upload them though even if it's messy. I don't really want to disappoint the Feb 2019 me. 😩
For today, I'm going to talk about something else. I'm wearing braces!! 😆 It's been ten days now. The reason that I'm wearing braces is that I have overbite and overlapping bottom teeth. They're not so severe that people would notice them right away, but they've always been a part of my insecurities. I had no problems with it as I was growing up, like I've embraced that part of me but the insecurity would just creep back in at random times. You know what I mean?
I only realized that my teeth were different from others when I was in primary school. I never really noticed that I couldn't close my mouth naturally. I thought it was normal that way until my sister asked me to close my mouth and I was like "I AM closing my mouth what do you mean??" Then I brought my lips together and thought, "Oh. I wasn't." Since then, I practiced closing my mouth until it only felt natural to do so. The same goes for my other insecurity; my nose. Honestly, this is like my main insecurity since it's clearly visible.
Here's the thing though. I've embraced my insecurities as time passes by. I'm totally fine with them now and I'm able to just brush off jokes about them. But the insecurities would attack me if people keep mentioning them way too many times in a single conversation. I'm fine once it's over though. I enjoy being with myself, you see. I can't let people's negativity ruin my joy.
However, back then, when I was a child, I could not be okay just like that. You make fun of me, I get nervous and pretend to laugh it off, but deep inside I think of all sorts of negative things. "Why am I different from others? Why do I have to look like this? Why can't I be perfect like others? Am I ugly?" It was endless. It didn't happen that often but every time it did, I'd remember. Most adults would say nice things, but others couldn't be as kind. I would avoid the person who said it in fear of them repeating the same thing to me. I couldn't handle it. I was embarrassed for having these facial features whenever someone said those stuff about me. I was a child who didn't understand what "embrace your insecurities" meant. As far as I remember, I've never told this to anyone, not even to my parents, as I thought it was embarrassing (although my parents didn't make fun of me). It got better as time passed though, since I started to accept myself as who I was.
Next time you want to make fun of a child, think again. You might just want to joke around and be funny, but it's not funny to the child. If the child doesn't feel insecure about it, then it's fine. But what if he/she does? It's not something that you can see, so the best way is to just stop making fun of something they could be insecure about.
Don't misunderstand though. I had a really happy childhood.😂 I'm just saying what could happen if you ridicule a child.
Anyway, I've actually wanted to put on braces since my school days, but whenever the topic came up I would dismiss it because I was scared. I'm not very pain-tolerant so yeah. Last May/June, I went for teeth scaling and thought, should I really wear braces now? I couldn't make up my mind so it took me a while before I finally decided to just do it. If I'm really going to wear them someday, I better do it now. And I finally did on 21/8/2019. Phew.
The process of putting on braces didn't hurt at all, but the aftereffects though... That's what hurt. I read this blog where she said that her teeth felt weak (?) something like that so she couldn't eat anything the first week. I didn't understand this at first. I felt like it's impossible for your teeth to behave that way. After I left the clinic, my teeth felt somewhat tight and I nearly cried while eating my McD porridge :') At that time my teeth didn't hurt that much when I bit the chicken but it just felt awkward having those metals in my mouth. The next day? Bruh I couldn't bite a thing doh even the softest food and I was like "what the heck is wrong with my teeth😂". It hurt when I tried to bite anything weh I never thought it was possible.
The first time I looked at myself in the mirror after putting on the braces, I thought I made the worst decision in my life. I looked ugly. Hazim sent me a picture of a sloth wearing braces two days before and I looked exactly like that. He said I was going to be a nerd and I really did. It's not like I didn't expect myself to look ugly but man the reality hit me. I felt like taking off the braces instantly.
A new point of insecurity arose and I didn't know how to overcome that because I felt ugly all the time. The fourth day, I cried. I regretted deciding to wear braces as I was already fine and not insecure about my teeth. Now what? Another insecurity crept in making me feel miserable. I couldn't close my mouth naturally before, and now, it's even more so because of the metals. But I practiced, just like I did last time, and today I'm able to bring my lips together at ease. It's been ten days now, and I'm proud to say that I'm overcoming this new insecurity of mine!! I even met up with my friends the other day so I guess it's a progress hehe.
To anyone with insecurities, I hope you'll find a way to cope with them and accept yourself as you are. Nobody is perfect. Some people might seem like they are, but even they, too, have insecurities. So embrace your insecurities, and love yourself more!💕
P.S. Happy 62nd Independence Day to my beloved country, Malaysia!💖
Till the next post!😋
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