Well, it's been a long time since I wrote something on this blog. I've been busy with assignments, quizzes and tests (life test also) just as any student would be during the final weeks of the semester. I wouldn't say that time flew so fast because I know how much I suffered from homesickness and kept complaining that time was not on my side haha.

I got home yesterday and this is why I'm able to write now! I've officially finished ALL my tests and assignments yesterday and wow it was a great feeling since it's finally over! Err not really over but you know what I mean. I just unpacked my luggage just now and it's funny how I was unpacking the same stuff that I reluctantly packed three months ago. I feel like hugging the three-months-ago me and say "There, there, you're gonna be okay soon. Don't give up because I didn't." and pat her head while laughing silently.😂

So, have you heard the news? I still can't believe that he's gone. His songs are still playing in my head as I'm typing this. It just doesn't feel real to me. The happy guy that we all know. Sigh. My timeline was full of people talking about him, but it only hit me when I read the letter.

Depression, guys. Depression.

I hate how some people make jokes about depression and suicide. I hate these people's mentalities. Just because they've never been through depression, they're being insensitive about it. Worst of all, people who do it to seek attention. I'm not saying this because of the K-Pop soul in me, but I'm saying this as a human.

Depression is totally not a joke. Do you make jokes about people who are sick physically? Like someone with cancer or just about any kind of health disease that we know. No, right? Well, normal and sane people wouldn't.

It should be the same for people with depression. The only difference is that you can't see how painful it is physically, because it's happening inside their heads. The struggle to get out of the problems, the fear of people's reactions if they find out, and the deep pain and scream inside that they just want to stop. They might as well do anything just to make the pain stop.

There's this quote that I read on Twitter:

It only takes a moment for that demon in our heads to take control of our minds and decide, 

"This is the perfect moment to die."

It's true. Someone doesn't just think "Oh I'm going to kill myself today." out of nowhere without a warning. The process is not that simple. Not all people who face depression is willing to share it with other people because they're scared of the reactions that they will get. Why? Because our judgmental society makes them feel that way.

I'm no psychologist, but to anyone who's facing depression, I beg you to seek help, or tell your close ones about it.  Let them help you. It will end one day, insyaallah. Seek Allah SWT and strengthen your faith. I'm not going to make it sound so simple, but please don't give up. Ever. There's always a solution to everything. EVERYTHING. So never ever give up, I'm begging you.

To everyone else, please always be kind to others. I'm not perfect myself so I may not always be kind. But we should try to be. We don't know what other people are going through. Just a simple smile from a stranger can help gather up someone's courage again. We never know. Always be sensitive to others. Never ridicule people who have problems. Again, because we never know what they're going through.

Just be nice.


Forgive me if there's any mistake in this post. Be strong, everyone.

Hello, a quick update here. It's now 7:51 am and I've got a class at 10 but I suddenly have the urge to write something so here we go!

It's already November now. To be really honest, I didn't think I could survive here in UiTM. This is my first time being away from home all by myself, so my homesick level was no joke guys. Everything I did reminded me of home. The songs I listened to, the people I saw, just about everything. It's so bad that I thought of just dropping out and find some college near Seremban or something (strangely it only happens on Mondays, Monday blues is real guys). But everytime that happened I would tell myself, "Just give yourself a week, if you're still like this, just go ahead and quit."

But since I'm still here, of course I didn't quit. I became okay after a few days (my strategy worked). As I got busier with more tests, quizzes and assignments, and oh not to forget, college activities, it got easier for me. I mean, I still get homesick but not as bad as before. I still get excited at the sight of Seremban Prima, I still feel like hugging Seremban whenever I'm there, but no more crying done. I'm proud of myself haha😂.

Roommates, classmates, and classes are all okay here so far alhamdulillah. There's this one English class about public speaking that is mandatory for me to take. *sigh* In this class we have to give two speeches; informative and persuasive. Everyone who knows me would know that I would do anything to avoid giving speeches in public. Anything, you know. I'd rather study 24/7 than do public speaking. I just really hate to be the centre of attention, unless it's what I have to do (like being the MC during my prefect days).

So I just did the first speech last Monday, which was informative speech. I dreaded every minute, every second that I had to wait for my turn. I wanted it to be over real soon but at the same time I really hated the thought of doing it😣. I knew I was only going to do it in front of my class, but still, I just knew them for less than 2 months. Then I got up and spoke and... I think I did well? Well to me it was good because I didn't stutter and all that but I might've spoken too fast to finish speaking quickly. But well done, girl! *pats dear self* But I still have persuasive speech to go... which is a lot longer... sigh.

Oh, another thing! I have two beautiful babies now😍.


So, Iman Publications opened a booth at PTAR UiTM since who knows when, and I only found out on Tuesday through their tweet. Then I went there the next day with such an excitement I can't even describe! I was soooooo so so excited when I got to the booth and I nearly jumped because weh oh my God precious books were everywhere! Mato's books (my favs) were there as well as Teme!💓💓 I haven't bought some books after such a long time so it was really thrilling for me😆. The last time I bought a book was Hiatus by Mato but it was through online payment and the feeling was different hehe. Aw I really miss the book smell! Now I've got to find some perfect time to read them.

Till the next post!💘

Soooo here comes my midterm break! Guess who's ecstatic?!

ME!!!! OVER HERE, PLEASE, LOOK AT ME, IT'S ME!!!!!😆💓


Haha okay what a way to start a post, right? But anyway, I arrived at Seremban last Friday and I was super duper excited since I finally got a week break from Shah Alam weeheee! If Seremban is a person I'd hug Seremban for sure!😂

You know it's funny when I used to say 'Seremban takda apa yang best' and blabla (well it's kinda true but no, not really) but when I'm far away from home, I'm like, 'I miss Seremban's sunshine, I miss the sight of Seremban Prima, I miss Seremban's weather'. Aw I don't know man I just miss Seremban where my home is so deeply and now that I'm here, I feel like I'm never gonna leave this place! But of course it's impossible... *sigh*

I'm talking as if I haven't been in Seremban for such a long time haha but in fact, I've been coming home every week since I enrolled EXCEPT for this one week when I had 'Hello Senior, Welcome Junior' program on the 1st of October. It was like my faculty's orientation program and basically we had to go to the checkpoints all around UiTM (do you have any idea how big Shah Alam campus is?!). My legs almost gave out and I almost lost my sanity due to the exhaustion (a big hyperbole there). But still, it was fun and my teammates were cool so here's the picture!


Oh, and I've got an interesting story to tell you, which is related to the title; 'A Bittersweet Day'. So my schedule last week was super packed from Monday to Wednesday. I finished all my assignments on Monday and Tuesday because I had kawad for Wednesday night. I kept on telling myself, 'Just a few days left. Only a few days then you'll be free.' as I was very much worn out physically and mentally those three days. Then Thursday came and I was happy since I only had Organic Chemistry lab that morning and after that I'd be freeee!

Lab finished at around 10:30 AM and I was virtually skipping all the way to my college. I felt excited, ecstatic, and everything that defines happiness, so I bought nasi ayam penyet and air lemon mint (?) something I don't remember. But it was sweet and sour so it was just nice. Then I dropped by the mini mart to buy Twiggies for my breakfast tomorrow morning and once again I got excited because I was going home tomorrow so yay!

So with my food and drink in both hands, I climbed up the stairs to my room on level 4 while singing Lenka's The Show. I was being like, 'Lalala I'm so excited I'm free the whole day~' and I arrived at my door. I put down my food and drink and inserted my key at the keyhole.

The usual 'click' sound didn't come. I couldn't open my door.

But I was still being positive and was like 'Meh I'm probably too excited that I can't put in the key right!'

I tried again. But no. I tried again and again and again BUT I STILL COULDN'T OPEN IT AND I STARTED TO PANIC! I even asked the girl next door to try and open it for me, but it still didn't work. At this point, my happiness level dropped from 100% to 10% at once (not 0% since it's still a funny situation). I asked my roommates about it but I guess they were still in class so me, being so pasrah, picked up my food and drink and went downstairs to make a report to the office regarding the situation *sigh*.

That is what happens when you're too happy okay. I did NOT see it coming at all. When the door was fixed, we had to duplicate the new keys so we went to Seksyen 7. While we're at that, why not grab something to eat, right?

There goes my bittersweet day.

Till the next post!💝