Hi there. It's me again. Two posts in the same month?! Haven't done that in a while.

You know how women go through the menstrual cycle monthly? I have an additional phase where I have trouble sleeping. It's either I take a long time to fall asleep, or I wake up way too early and cannot go back to sleep. Usually, it's the latter lah. I've been facing this for the past week and I'm just super sleepy right now. Add headache to that package.

I hope this phase goes away asap because I can't stand the constant headache.

People usually assume that it happens because I think too much. It's true to a certain point, but I don't think that's the case. I don't even do it intentionally. My brain would just suddenly start thinking about the most random stuff that are not of my concern anymore, and I have no idea how to stop it. Pink noise does help sometimes, but if I start falling asleep to the noise, I become immune to it the next day and it won't work anymore.

It comes by once in a while. Comes uninvited, leaves unannounced. Tiba-tiba nanti dah okay, dah boleh tidur macam biasa. I'm used to it, but at the same time I can't seem to get used to it. Namsein.

I just yawned for the nth time today.

But alhamdulillah, I'm still alive and healthy. I'm grateful for my life right now; the people, work, environment, etc. There are so many more things that I should be grateful for, rather than complain about my sleeping habits.

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This is a bit out of the blue, but I suddenly want to write about iman. I always face this struggle where, alhamdulillah I feel so close to Allah but in the next 10 minutes, my iman can drop to a point where I start to wonder how and what I should do to feel close to Allah. It can happen instantly. I don't even have to wait until the next solat time to feel that way. It makes me realize how fragile one's iman can be, and the only way we can fix that is by praying to Allah to tetapkan our iman. Just pray, pray and pray. Never stop praying to Allah no matter how shameful or sinful we feel at that moment.

Allah knows us best. Allah knows what lies deep inside our hearts without us having to say it. There's no way to lie to Allah about our feelings. 

Semoga kita menjadi insan yang sentiasa mencari Allah, mencari keredaan-Nya dan sentiasa berdoa mengharapkan pengampunan-Nya dalam hidup kita. Semoga kita teguh melawan nafsu dan bisikan syaitan dan sentiasa ingat yang Allah sedang melihat kita. Semoga Allah sentiasa hadirkan penyesalan dan keinsafan dalam hati kita tiap kali kita berbuat dosa.

Semoga kita semua bertemu di syurga nanti.

Insyaallah amin.

Till the next post!

 Assalamualaikum 💖

Hi there! I feel the urge to write today. 

Nothing urgent, though. I just had the impulse to post a story on Instagram, describing my experience. But then it got too long and I thought, why not do it on my blog instead?

I truly, truly, miss writing. Writing makes me feel soooo good. It helps me to express my emotions, more so especially because I find it hard to talk about my feelings. My feelings are better expressed through writing, although I feel like I'm improving these days hahaha sebab whenever I feel like nak ngadu to my man, I always end up using voice note since I find it faster and easier. However, my thoughts are always better organized and let out through writing. It's more detailed since all thoughts that I have in my head are let out. It also helps me to remember the stories and certain emotions that come with them. I LOVE IT.

That's what writing does for me, even though I rarely write these days. I just find it to be a hassle to switch on my laptop to write on my blog. I can write on my phone, sure, but it doesn't feel the same. I love the feeling and sound of the clacking keyboard when I write a full length story. My phone pun ada that keyboard sound, but it's not the same. Nak tulis physically? Lagilah malas 😭 My handwriting has been getting so bad after I graduated secondary school. It's like doctor's handwriting in which only I can understand. One time, my ex-manager saw my handwriting and said "jarang tengok perempuan tulisan macam ni". Hahaha I was not offended; I was more like in an utter disbelief and amusement at the same time because he actually has the same handwriting as me! 😂

But anyway, I want to write on my experience meeting doctors regarding period pain.

My period pain can get extreme at times. To the point that I would throw up or get diarrhea with it. Usually, when I experience the extreme pain, I would take a leave from work. But there was one time last year that I decided to get an MC instead in order to get a diagnosis from the doctor; is my condition normal or not? When I met the doctor and told him that I was having period pain, he snickered. As if my pain wasn't enough, I had to meet this scornful doctor who might have thought my condition was like "meh". Ugh. Since then, I never went to doctors again for period pain issues.

However, this time, I just started working at my new company. Alhamdulillah, overall, it's been good. I might talk about this in some other posts if I rajin haha. Since I've only been there for two months, I didn't want to take too many leaves just yet. So I had no other choice than to take an MC. 

I went to the clinic, secretly hoping that I'll meet a female doctor who would understand me. But as I opened the door to the treatment room, I saw a male figure behind the desk. There was an immediate mixture of disappointment and hope at that moment. I felt skeptical towards the doctor due to my previous experience, but to my surprise, he was nothing like what I thought. Astaghfirullah, I should have husnudzon towards him. He looked concerned about my pain and gave me an injection of painkillers, which was probably the most painful injection I have ever received. The pain lingered on for soooo long until I reached home. But as the pain on my arm subsided, my menstrual cramps did, too. Alhamdulillah.

And that's the story of me who stereotyped male doctors haha. Just like how not all flowers look the same, I shouldn't have judged them to have the same mindset when it comes to period pain. It's just unfair of me to do that. My faith in humanity has been restored hewhew.

Till the next post!

 Assalamualaikum 💓

You have no idea how thrilled I am to be writing this. It feels like I'm meeting my crush for the first time and I can feel all the butterflies in my stomach!

I say this every time but I MISS WRITING I MISS MY BLOG okbye.

Anyway, HIIIIIII IT'S BEEN SO LONG SINCE I WAS HERE OMG *tiup habuk*. I don't know where to start. So many things have been happening since the past year. I didn't even get to do an end-of-year or new year posts :(

I guess I'll start with the major thing that's happening to me right now. Well, I've resigned from my job which I held onto for two years now. Like, finally it happened. 

Let's go back to the very beginning of the story. 

I was actually sick when I received a call from Company B one day, saying that I passed the interview! Alhamdulillah. I prepared my resignation letter and went to the bookstore to print it out. At the bookstore, I met the same person who previously helped me print out my resumes, application forms, etc. But that very day, I came back to print out my resignation letter. In my head, I was thinking. If this guy actually remembered me, I might be like one live storybook he's met in his life, in which he was reading the next chapter now. It's interesting to me, the fact that he's met countless people who come to the bookstore, carrying a different story each day. But of course, it would actually be difficult to remember everyone who comes to the store.

Lari topik dah ni. Hahaha. Anyway, I submitted the letter to my superior the next day. As he was congratulating me, I cried. He didn't even say anything sad but I felt sad aggdgh I cannot brain myself lah. My days continued as per usual for 1.5 months as though I never turned in that letter. Even on my last day, I was still pushing to complete my tasks hsshhs.

The weird thing is, I didn't feel all that sad to leave. I thought I would be crying like crazy on my last day, but I didn't. Sure, I cried during the farewell event the previous day but that's only because my close buddy started to cry. I guess I didn't know how to feel then. The excitement for raya might have also influenced my emotions haha since my last day was on 20 April 2023.

But, well, farewell my first job. It's been a truly harsh but fun ride. Hoping to still see my close friends in the future, insyallah.

What's next? I've been on a 1-week break since I resigned, and it's been wonderful. Whenever I reached my limit, I always wished that I could take a break for one week. Just one week and I'd be fine. And I'm having that break now after soooo long. Alhamdulillah. 

I pray that my next journey is one that is blessed by Allah in every step that I take.

Till the next post!