Assalamualaikum

I guess this is the first official post of 2022. Terkejut tengok last post tahun 2021 hshshs.

Sooooooo mmmm let's not beat around the bush. I'm back here because I feel like writing about someone.

His name is A.

💖

I don't know what exactly should I write about, to be honest. But he deserves a post.

I first met him less than a year ago. We were just friends then. It wasn't until the first day of 2022 that I found out he has liked me for a while; probably since Day 1 aha.

Argh malu pulak nak tulis.

But anyway, I thought I should give it a go, so we started to get to know each other. Slowly but surely, as time passed, I started to fall for him.

I don't know why but in less than three months, he has witnessed the inferior parts of me a couple of times. First one; we met up but my most introverted self came out that day. I couldn't get myself to talk to anyone else - not even up for smiling to strangers bruh much less order myself a drink 😂 When he wanted to leave to get something from his car, I was like "NOPE LET ME GET THAT FOR YOU" ahshsh he must be so confused 😂 There's no way you're going to leave me alone in that state 😤

Second one; I was on my first day of period and there came the menstrual cramps. We were out at that time and had to stop twice because I felt like throwing up. Even when I tried to sleep it off, it didn't work 😩 It was so so painful ugh that was one of the terrible ones and he was there with me.

And many other instances when I was on my bad days and guess what? He handled them all well. He calms me down when I panic, listens and supports me when I rant (even about the smallest and stupidest things), cheers me up when I'm down, and so many more. He's always enthusiastic to talk to me, and so am I to him. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve this much kindness from him but alhamdulillah I'm grateful to have him in my life now. He accepts me for who I am and I couldn't ask for more 💓

If somehow you're reading this, I want you to know that you are one of my sources of happiness in this world now, and may it be that way until Jannah. Thank you for coming into my life. I hope you'll be here to stay forever.

May Allah ease everything for us 💖

Till the next post!

 Assalamualaikum 

A-yo. It's been too long. Wayyyy too long since I last wrote. Almost six months ago.

Setiap weekend rasa nak menaip. Tapi siapalah aku untuk melawan kemalasan dalam jiwa raga ini. Rasa rindu, tapi boleh buat apa je kalau setiap kali nak menaip, rasa malas tu muncul. Saya hanya menurut kata hati.

Kah.

An update from the last post: Alhamdulillah, I survived. It's going to be 8 months soon. Masa berlalu cepat sangat sampai aku terkejut dah nak 8 bulan. Ingatkan baru 6 bulan. Dah macam-macam jadi sejak aku last post dekat sini.

Honestly, aku pun tak tahu nak cakap pasal apa. Tapi mood dah sampai, so aku pilih untuk menaip tanpa henti. Let the thoughts flow into words without a need for thinking.

The one colleague who helped me get through my tough times is resigning this Friday. She's the reason I survived. Now that she's going to leave, I feel a bit lost. Like what's the meaning of life? Haha. When she first announced that she's resigning, I still remember being in denial and shock at the same time. And I started to sob uncontrollably and tried to hide my tears but when my manager said "Don't cry", I cried even harder. I ran to the toilet and cried together with my friend.

Life's tough, you know? But what's life without tests and difficulties? 

I did my MBTI test just now. I expected my MBTI to change because I felt like I've changed since I started working. But nope, I still got an ISFP haha. The reason I was expecting a change is because I used to be an ISFJ. But after my life went downhill and I got back up, it changed to ISFP. 

I'm feeling a bit savage these days. Probably because my ally is resigning, but I've entered that era moreugetda stage. I don't know how I will get by after she leaves. For now, I'm just going to appreciate the 5 days I have left with her. 

I don't know man. I'm just going to face life head on and enjoy the ride.

Till the next post!

(or till kerajinan muncul)

Hello. After three months, I'm finally here.

I want to ask myself, "How's life?" but the only answer that comes out is,

"It's hard."

Well, actually it's a bit vague. It's hard, but I'm surviving. I'm trying my best to look at things positively.

Overall, it just feels like my effort is not enough, no matter what I do. I want to do more and be better, but I don't know where to start.

---

I accepted a job offer over a month ago, knowing full well that the company is fast-paced. Everyone at the company warned me, but I took it as a challenge because there's nothing impossible to achieve in this world.

But little did I know, I overestimated myself. My head keeps nagging me, "It's not even that hard. What are you so slow for?" but my inner self is struggling a lot to meet my brain's demand. To meet everyone's demand.

I thought I was good at multitasking until I came here. I used to be so good at juggling, but right now there are too many balls to juggle to the point that my hands can't keep up.

There were many instances when I wanted to give up, but I can't. Not until I achieve my goals. My ultimate goals in life.

Fret not, everyone at the company is really nice and willing to help me. But it's also normal to get scolded if you mess up, or if you're too slow. That's all.

This is dramatic but last week I finished my work at 7pm and when I saw the sunset as I was driving, I cried. I love sunsets. I really do. But that was the first time I cried when watching the sun set. I guess all the burden I had been feeling just flowed out then. I didn't even realize I had been suppressing all those emotions in me. I kept brainwashing myself "It's okay, it's okay. You can do this!" without knowing that would mentally harm me.

Someday, insyaallah, I'll make it. Pray for me.

Meanwhile, I'll keep giving my best and surviving.

Until I really survive.

P.S. I miss writing.

Till the next post!💕