Assalamualaikum 💖

I was on the phone with Jasmin last Thursday night and suddenly felt the urge to check my phone. I saw notifications from two WhatsApp groups; my class and my group of degree friends. My heart started beating fast as I wondered what was going on, so I clicked on the group with my friends first.

It turned out that there was a link to check the examination results a few hours earlier than it was supposed to come out. I was like 'BRO HOW COME but you know what we can wonder about that later!' as I opened the link and entered my ID and password. At this point, I could barely hear what Jasmin was talking about.

And...

"JAS JAS JAS JAS JAS JAS!"

"RESULT AKU DAH KELUAR! I GOT ...!"

Welp she said an abundant of things afterwards as she screamed excitedly. I could literally imagine how she was behaving on the other side; smiling with her 'I knew it!' hand movements haha damn I miss this girl. I don't know when I'll be able to see her next because she's too far away. Hoping it'll be soon (real soon).

Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.

I feel very grateful for everything; for my results, my supportive family and friends, and my whole three years as a degree student.

Three years full of ups and downs.

After my call with Jasmin, I listened to some songs and when Roy Kim - Suddenly was playing, a pang of longing hit me. I missed my friends. A lot of my classmates uploaded our class photos, making me feel nostalgic. I can't believe my degree life is really ending; that the present will soon become memories.

It feels like I'm really entering the adulthood now. May the best things be coming for us soon, and in the future.

Till the next post!

 Assalamualaikum dunia!💥

Cuba teka siapa dok tangguh nak buat cover letter sampai harini lepastu decide nak update blog instead?

Ugh macam-macam alasan dah aku bagi dekat diri sendiri. Tapi tulah susahnyaaaa nak buat cover letter! Dia macam senang tapi jadi susah bila fikir cara nak buat surat tu jadi attractive. Susahlah weh astaghfirullah berapa kali dah aku give up ni. Bila dah mula buat, aku sendiri pulak rasa yang ada benda tak cukup, ada benda yang aku boleh improve. Penatlah berfikir.

Dah lama tak menulis dalam BM dekat blog ni. Aku baca posts lama lepastu rindu nak tulis dalam BM. Rasa kagum gila dengan cara penulisan aku yang dulu. Sekarang? BM ke English ke sama je ke laut hahaha inilah padahnya bila dah lama tak membaca. Aku nak tulis BM pun jadi kekok padahal hari-hari cakap BM. Segala kosa kata yang aku pernah tahu dah tersorok dalam kepala ni. Macam mana entah nak keluarkan. Paling teruk, secara tak sedar otak aku tengah translate ayat dari English ke BM sekarang ni. Mungkin sebab aku asyik tulis English je selama ni sampai aku dah terbiasa.

Aku ada beli buku Kitab Tamadun Melayu by The Patriots dalam dua bulan lepas. Tapi sampai sekarang belum habis baca. Separuh pun tak sampai lagi :') Di mana aku yang duluuu yang boleh habiskan buku setebal alam dalam sehari 😭 Aku beli sebab aku minat sejarah tapi hmmm adakah aku sudah berubah :') Atau aku sekadar manusia pemalas :')

Pelik sebenarnya bila tiba-tiba aku aktif dekat blog. Tak adalah aktif sangat, tapi aktif lah dari kebiasaannya. Aku jadi suka nak menulis balik bila dah tak sibuk ni. Setiap masa rasa nak keluarkan semua yang ada dalam kepala ni dalam bentuk penulisan. Macam dulu. Rasa seronok and healing bila menulis. Masalahnya sekarang, bila aku dah rajin menulis dekat blog balik, tak ada orang nak update blog pun 😭 Memang sekarang tak ada siapa suka menulis ke macam mana 😭 Aku rasa aku nak cari blog-blog baru untuk aku baca lepas aku habis tulis ni. Di mana semangat menulis anda wahai rakyat Malaysia dan masyarakat global 😭 Sesungguhnya saya bosan so saya nak baca pasal kehidupan dan pengalaman strangers 😭

Till the next post!

 Assalamualaikum 💖

First of all, HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY, MALAYSIA! 🎆

Second of all, I'm bored. I just thought of writing. Maybe it can unleash all the hidden emotions within me.

I actually met up with my form 1 - 3 classmates a week or two ago. It took a lot of courage for me to attend the reunion because I hadn't seen most of them ever since school ended. I was nervous and afraid if I would end up wanting to go home as soon as I arrived. The thought of meeting strangers was more appealing to me. But deep in my heart, I did want to go because it's been soooo long and I knew that if I didn't go this time, I might end up not joining them forever haha. So I did. With my friends' encouragements.

There's another reunion for my SPM classmates this weekend but I'm still not sure if I want to come or not... Now I understand why in some movies, the lead actors always refuse to go to their school reunions. I couldn't understand before this like just go and meet up with your old friends it's not that hard. Well, I guess it's easier said than done.

In another news, I just deleted about 10 albums in my phone dedicated to K-Pop. I've been wanting to do that for a while now but it wasn't easy at all. I've been a K-Pop fan for more than half of my life now. Hold up, I'm not saying that I'm going to quit liking K-Pop. That's just... impossible at the moment. It'd be like I'm letting go of half of my source of happiness that has stayed with me for more than a decade now.

This would be hard to understand for non-Kpop fans. It's not only about the music. It's about how some of the artists would give out words of wisdom, encouragement, advice, etc. to the fans when we need them most. It's about the inspiration they give us to keep going and improving ourselves to do better. It's about how some of them share their experiences and deepest emotions, making sure that we know we're not alone in this, or if not, that we are aware about these kinds of situations. Yes, I'm talking about Jae, and the rest of DAY6.

It's less about the aegyo and all kinds of concepts they can pull. Less about the pleasant personalities that they choose to show us. But it's more about the fact that they choose to show that they, the idols, are imperfect humans too. Making us feel belonged. It's these things that make it hard for me to let go.

This has been going through my head for weeks now. Ever since I had troubles balancing these two worlds. I considered abandoning K-Pop for me to focus more on my ibadah. But then I wondered if K-Pop really strayed me away from Islam? I admit that sometimes it does, like when I prayed in a rush because of a concert, and so on. It happens whenever I'm active on my stan Twitter account. There, everyone is like super updated and I didn't want to miss out on anything. But the thing is, K-Pop is not the sole reason that I became distracted in my ibadah. It happened whenever I prioritized the worldly matters more than anything, forgetting that Allah is the owner of time. The One who owns this world. Who am I to neglect my ibadah when I'm the one who needs Him, and not the other way around?

What finally made me decide to delete those albums was a video by Ustaz Adnin. I just felt like googling "Is kpop haram" and that video came out. Some lectures would just straight up say, yes it's haram, but he's unbiased. I like that he doesn't specify his answers towards K-Pop, but instead he discussed the issue generally on all forms of entertainment. That immediately made me want to continue listening. When he talked about obsession to the point of saving the photos of the artists in one's phone, I was like 'whoa hold up I'm going to delete these RIGHT NOW' haha. To be very honest, I rarely even looked at the photos I saved (except for memes) but I keep them saved in my phone anyway. Thousands of pictures only for birthday purposes hshshds. I thought I wouldn't feel anything when I deleted them but bruh it felt like I was breaking up with someone haha. But I'm absolutely fine as I've been wanting to delete them anyways.

So, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to log out of that stan Twitter account that created that pressure in me to stay updated with everything. Probably not going to delete it (yet). I think I'll be better then. With less fangirling and obsession over K-Pop :')

I think this all the time but I miss the 2015 me.

Pray for me, everyone. I'm trying to change but slowly so I don't get shocked.

Till the next post!