Assalamualaikum 💓

You have no idea how thrilled I am to be writing this. It feels like I'm meeting my crush for the first time and I can feel all the butterflies in my stomach!

I say this every time but I MISS WRITING I MISS MY BLOG okbye.

Anyway, HIIIIIII IT'S BEEN SO LONG SINCE I WAS HERE OMG *tiup habuk*. I don't know where to start. So many things have been happening since the past year. I didn't even get to do an end-of-year or new year posts :(

I guess I'll start with the major thing that's happening to me right now. Well, I've resigned from my job which I held onto for two years now. Like, finally it happened. 

Let's go back to the very beginning of the story. 

I was actually sick when I received a call from Company B one day, saying that I passed the interview! Alhamdulillah. I prepared my resignation letter and went to the bookstore to print it out. At the bookstore, I met the same person who previously helped me print out my resumes, application forms, etc. But that very day, I came back to print out my resignation letter. In my head, I was thinking. If this guy actually remembered me, I might be like one live storybook he's met in his life, in which he was reading the next chapter now. It's interesting to me, the fact that he's met countless people who come to the bookstore, carrying a different story each day. But of course, it would actually be difficult to remember everyone who comes to the store.

Lari topik dah ni. Hahaha. Anyway, I submitted the letter to my superior the next day. As he was congratulating me, I cried. He didn't even say anything sad but I felt sad aggdgh I cannot brain myself lah. My days continued as per usual for 1.5 months as though I never turned in that letter. Even on my last day, I was still pushing to complete my tasks hsshhs.

The weird thing is, I didn't feel all that sad to leave. I thought I would be crying like crazy on my last day, but I didn't. Sure, I cried during the farewell event the previous day but that's only because my close buddy started to cry. I guess I didn't know how to feel then. The excitement for raya might have also influenced my emotions haha since my last day was on 20 April 2023.

But, well, farewell my first job. It's been a truly harsh but fun ride. Hoping to still see my close friends in the future, insyallah.

What's next? I've been on a 1-week break since I resigned, and it's been wonderful. Whenever I reached my limit, I always wished that I could take a break for one week. Just one week and I'd be fine. And I'm having that break now after soooo long. Alhamdulillah. 

I pray that my next journey is one that is blessed by Allah in every step that I take.

Till the next post!

 Assalamualaikum 💓 

Right now I'm stressed out because of my blog. I don't know why but it lags so much recently. I tried to change to another theme but it's not working. It can only load faster if I change to an official theme from Blogger. The thing is, I don't see the same problem happening with other blogs. Ugh kesabaranku teruji di petang Ahad ini.

I like to read my posts so it's reaaallyyy frustrating when it takes too long to load. But at the same time, I like my blog pretty so I don't want to change to a Blogger theme.

Fuh, nak marah tapi kena sabar.

Please, I have no idea what I should do. Nak beli template tapi if the same issue occurs, then it would be a waste of money. Jangan sampai saya delete blog ni huahua (jk I can never do that).

Okay, let that be for a moment.

Another issue that I'm dealing with is... Overthinking.

I'm an overthinking person. I always overthink and get stressed out about it when in actuality, none of the things that run through my head occurs in real life. It sucks when I know, myself, that it's not happening, and it's not going to happen, but my mind keeps going in circles around that specific thing, which then leads to me overthinking other stuff as well.

It also sucks because when I overthink, I get hurt emotionally and then the pain turns physical. No self-harm here, none at all. Some sort of pain would suddenly strike me in the left chest and arm. I don't know how to explain it. I've tried googling the condition before but to no avail. Whenever the pain comes, that's a sign that I need to chill and get those things off my head. I don't tell this to people because it sounds utterly ridiculous, although it's real. I don't know if other people face this.

Anyway, it's not that serious. The pain would go away with the emotional pain. But I think overthinking is one of the forms of self-harm because of the effects it would give to a person. It harms you mentally, emotionally and in my case, even physically. 

I wasn't always like this. There was a point in my life when I was absolutely content and happy with myself. The abundant amount of love I had for myself was overwhelming. I remember my university friend asked me, how to not be insecure? You know what I answered her? Embrace your insecurities HAHA gila cliche. But I loved myself soooo much that not even my insecurities bothered me. But as soon as I got to job hunting, bruh my confidence level dropped to the ground ahaha.

Nowadays, it's not that I don't love myself. But my insecurities have beat me to it. In my relationship, I don't think there's a week that went by without me overthinking and seeking for reassurance. But alhamdulillah, he understands and he's being patient with that part of me. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve him but I still want to be with him... (dah mula overthinking) :(

OKAY STAHP! I seriously need to chill haha. These days, when I feel myself starting to overthink, I try my best to take a deep breath and think of other stuff. Be busy. Or think again. Do I really need to think that way? Is that even real? Is what I'm thinking even happening?

Alhamdulillah, it helps. Fuh. So I don't go rant to him straight away and make a mess haha but if I don't think I can get rid of that thought, then I'll tell him. We solve my complicated feelings together haha. I'm seriously grateful to meet someone who can handle me like this :(

I think that's it for today. I would LOVE to do this weekly and write again. But we'll have to see about that😴

Till the next post!

The next thing to update would be...

Alhamdulillah, on 16th July 2022, I got engaged!

On the day itself, I got so nervous to the point that I almost cried. Luckily, my friends came earlier so they were there to support me. When it was time for me to come out and meet his family, that's when the nerves started kicking in and it felt like my heart was going to jump out of my body. Farah hugged me but I was like "no don't hug me I'm going to cry" ahaha and I held her hand tightly and asked her to come with me HAHA. 

Haih nervous gila. Everything and everyone felt like a blur. I couldn't focus at all. The last time I felt that nervous was during JPJ test haha. But alhamdulillah, everything went well and I feel grateful for it 💓 I won't go into much detail hihi.

With this tied knot, may our relationship be blessed and eased until we get married and until Jannah insyaallah 💓 Semoga terus bertahan dengan perangai saya yang entah apa-apa ni 😂

To the readers, please pray for us, and I pray that you be blessed in everything you do 💙

Till the next post!