Hello. After three months, I'm finally here.

I want to ask myself, "How's life?" but the only answer that comes out is,

"It's hard."

Well, actually it's a bit vague. It's hard, but I'm surviving. I'm trying my best to look at things positively.

Overall, it just feels like my effort is not enough, no matter what I do. I want to do more and be better, but I don't know where to start.

---

I accepted a job offer over a month ago, knowing full well that the company is fast-paced. Everyone at the company warned me, but I took it as a challenge because there's nothing impossible to achieve in this world.

But little did I know, I overestimated myself. My head keeps nagging me, "It's not even that hard. What are you so slow for?" but my inner self is struggling a lot to meet my brain's demand. To meet everyone's demand.

I thought I was good at multitasking until I came here. I used to be so good at juggling, but right now there are too many balls to juggle to the point that my hands can't keep up.

There were many instances when I wanted to give up, but I can't. Not until I achieve my goals. My ultimate goals in life.

Fret not, everyone at the company is really nice and willing to help me. But it's also normal to get scolded if you mess up, or if you're too slow. That's all.

This is dramatic but last week I finished my work at 7pm and when I saw the sunset as I was driving, I cried. I love sunsets. I really do. But that was the first time I cried when watching the sun set. I guess all the burden I had been feeling just flowed out then. I didn't even realize I had been suppressing all those emotions in me. I kept brainwashing myself "It's okay, it's okay. You can do this!" without knowing that would mentally harm me.

Someday, insyaallah, I'll make it. Pray for me.

Meanwhile, I'll keep giving my best and surviving.

Until I really survive.

P.S. I miss writing.

Till the next post!💕

Assalamualaikum 💖 

Honestly I still have no idea what to write but it's almost like now or never for me. If this continues any longer, I might unintentionally abandon this blog. I mean, I still write sometimes but it's like a thought of the moment, so I choose to write on my phone instead. It takes way too long for me to get to my laptop, switch it on, wait for it to finish loading, enter my blog and write a post. By then, the idea would've been long gone from my head. That's what happened with my unfinished posts anyway.

I see that my last post was in October, the one where I had a hard time separating from my first ever album. An update on that would be that I'm completely fine now (of course you would be, it's been four months now). I wish I had written more posts after that because I absolutely can't think of anything that happened in the last two months of 2020. But my days have been pretty much the same since then.

Oh I wrote an email to myself in December, to be sent to me in a year time. One of my current fears would be that I would still be the same old me by the time I receive that email this year. I hope I could make my past self proud of what I do.

I think that would be it for now. It's a new start. I should be able to post more in the future.

Have a wonderful and blessed year ahead.

Till the next post!

 Assalamualaikum💖

(If you're here to judge, go away. Negativity is very much unwanted right now.)

Hello. This is a post dedicated to my first album, Shoot Me: Youth Part 1.

I'm writing this because I feel like I can't let you go, although I just did. 

I can't believe I made that decision. I can't believe I let you go. What was I even thinking?

I'm sorry for letting you go.

You were, and still are very special to me. You're like my firstborn. You were the first K-Pop item that I owned. You were the first one who entered my K-Pop box. I was over the moon the first time I held you in my hands. And the last time I held you, I was overwhelmed with a thousand emotions I couldn't fathom. But most of it all, I felt broken.

I still feel sentimental whenever I listen to the songs from the album; Shoot Me, Still, Somehow, Feeling Good, Talking To, Warning. They bring me back to my study week in semester 2 at college, when my roommate was still at home and I was alone in the room. I was supposed to be studying, but guess what I did? I streamed Day6 Youth Concert in Seoul for three days straight through Mixlr, where I heard the members singing the songs from their new album for the first time, before the album even came out. My first paper was on Monday, and I spent my Sunday afternoon with Day6. Two days before my second paper, the album was released so my revision was accompanied by the new songs.

And about a month later, you reached me.

I'm not entirely sure how I should let you go. I keep reminding myself that this is a good start if I want to get rid of my attachment towards K-Pop. But this is hard. The box feels empty now without your small presence. The other albums are all taller and bigger than you are, so I ended up caring for you the most, making sure you were always at the top. I usually opened the box and could see you right away, but now? You're not even there.

My heart feels heavy to let you go. But I trust Krys would treasure you as much as, or even more than I did. I know, for sure, you'll be safe with her.

I'll miss you. Thank you for all the memories.

Till the next post!