Assalamualaikum, cinta hati mama.

At this moment, as I'm writing this, you're sleeping next to me. Peacefully taking your afternoon nap. Alhamdulillah.

I'm not sure what moved me to do this, but I just felt like writing. Life has been good, alhamdulillah. All praise be to Allah. 

To my dearest son,

You're my greatest gift and pinjaman Allah has ever given me. I find joy in watching you grow. I miss you every moment, even when you're right next to me. Sometimes I lose my patience and guilt trips me the next second. I'm sorry, sayang. I'm not a perfect mom, but I'll always do and give my best for you, insyaallah. 

You know how I was always thinking of doing no-salt-no-sugar stuff until you turn two? Well, I failed miserably once you were nearing one hahaha. I still control your sugar intake, of course. I let you eat sweet stuff once in a while. A little sodium in your food. This morning, you didn't have much appetite which I guessed was because of your cough (may you get healed soon). Then I fed you cake, which you absolutely love kan? Same goes to your mother lah haha so alhamdulillah you ate ittt which never mind it's okay at least you had something.

It was your uncle's birthday cake. I took a slice the other day and you caught me haha so we shared the cake. Mind you, the cake part was yours, mine was the cream parts (as it's too sweet for you). Today was the same. I didn't eat the sponge cake part as they're all respectfully yours.

It made me think. This is another form of love you're teaching me. Your mother here has profound love for cakes, and if it's chocolate? Even moreeeee so. And even when I'm in love with cakes, I gave you the best parts even if I didn't get to eat any. Would I have done the same for any other person? Technically, yes, but not entirely. I don't think I would give up the entire cake for them. But for you, the world I would give.

It's just a cake. But it left me deep in thought.

I love you, my baby. Semoga Allah merahmatimu selalu.

Till the next post!